Kelli Horton (right) is the coolest mom ever! First, she took her kids for a car ride, then to McDonald’s for lunch, and then she let them play in the play area for as long as they wanted! Dude, that must have been the best day ever! Mom, can we get ice cream too? Mom…?

A St. Charles County woman was arrested at a McDonald’s on Highway 94 Tuesday after leaving her children in a play area while she took heroin in the bathroom, police say.

[Read More]

Today’s winner is on Perry Crawford who…

…is facing charges for burglary, assault, possession of a controlled substance and resisting arrest. Police say he burglarized a home in Wright City, Mo. on July 7 and assaulted on officer.

…and then apparently recieved the same pillow in prison that we have at home since we too wake up with a full loop on the top of our heads some times. The gross legions must have been caused by his mattress…or his fight with the police…or AIDS. Either way, he’s really freaking out our friend “surprised cat”.

Ever been to a Radio Shack? No? Well don’t bother. They’re empty little stores filled with horrible cell phones, overly expensive cables and little portable black and white TVs that are totally pointless, unless you like watching Mr. Bean reruns on PBS through a haze of static on a 2.5-inch screen. No one wants to go in to a Radio Shack…well, almost no one.

The target of the vandals was the Radio Shack store in the 3500 block of Hampton Avenue near Potomac Street.  The bandits smashed windows in the store front around 1:15 Friday morning, then looted the business taking electronics and various components before fleeing in a vehicle.

[Read More]

Over the last weekend a piece ran in the Post Dispatch about a guy that had his laptop stolen. With the help of exactly no one, he managed to locate the thief by logging in to his computer and trick him in to typing in his name and address. The victim gave all the information to the police who did…nothing.

Four days after the June 20 burglary of his Pennsylvania Avenue home, Van Almsick grew tired of waiting.

[Read More]

After having over 20 cars broken in to downtown, the St. Louis Police finally made a breakthrough over the weekend when they arrested two suspects in connection with the break-ins…and by “connection”, we mean that they totally did it.

Suspect Calvin Willis, 25, was ordered held on $75,000 bond after being charged with second degree assault, first degree tampering and resisting arrest.

Alright! Yeah! Maybe next time you’ll think twice before doing something hurtful like trying to steal our Paula Cole CD off our passenger seat! Where have all the cowboys gone?! Calvin stole them, that’s where, but now he’s in jail.

It all started out so normally: A man and a woman were burglarizing a home in Hillsboro, Missouri last Sunday, gleefully picking through a selection of power tools and DVD players in the home’s garage, but to say it got weird next doesn’t quite cover it. Here’s where the train came off the tracks and drove directly in to a tanker truck of crazy, causing a massive WTF explosion: First, the felonious couple decided they needed to have sex. Yeah, right there in the garage they were robbing. Apparently nothing says “Do me!” like a old stolen circular saw, but, and god help us we’d love to know why, Mrs. Burglar suddenly decided to pepper spray Mr. Burglar mid-coitus! Mrs. Burglar then took off their car, promptly driving it into a nearby pond, while Mr. Burglar managed to get up and try to make an escape, but not before he was spotted by the homeowner leading to his eventual capture as he was fleeing on foot, wearing only a raincoat.

A St. Charles man has been arrested after he exposed himself to the patrons at Wapelhorst Park pool Tuesday.

The St. Charles County man, 53, pulled down his swimsuit, exposing his buttocks and genitals about 1 p.m. at the park’s public pool in the 1900 block of Muegge Road, police said. Several other customers, including children and seniors, were using the pool at the time.

We’ll give him credit for being confident enough to stare a public shrinkage viewing the face and still decide to go through with a plan, but maybe there’s a better way to go about drying off your winkie dink.

Police told me that it was a game called the ‘Knock Out Kings’ and they targeted me because I looked weak and feminine. It is a sick game. I mean it is a stupid game, it’s a sick game. Games are supposed to be fun. This is not fun at all. It’s not fun to get knocked out. It is not fun to get your nose fractured

[Read More]

It took a few months, but someone finally noticed the two statues of…some…uh…dudes in front of Scottrade Center. Hmm. We feel like we should know who these statues are of, but without proper name plates how the hell are we supposed to know? Hockey player statues need name plates ok?! NFL? Baseball? Totally different stories. St. Louisans can spot even a crappy likeness of Stan Musial a mile away, but hockey players? We love the Blues, but we need name plates. Ok, total shot in the dark here…is one of them Wayne Gretzky? He’s a big St. Louis icon from his epic time rocking a blue note!

Friday night, 62 cars were broken into downtown, most of them just south of Busch Stadium. It’s time like these when we wish the police would tell us everything’s going to be ok and that not to worry, they’ve got things under control. We don’t live in a town where you can’t even go to a ballgame without thinking about what inning you should leave to go get your car rather than thinking about what inning you have to leave before your deluxe nachos make a reappearance south of the border, do we?