Breaking Down Hillsboro’s Sexy Garage Burglary

These two probably thought this was all going to be some sexy stealing adventure like that movie with Catherine Zeta Jones and Sean Connery, but it cutting back to reality just showed two cracked out morons rolling around on a dirty garage floor.

There are lots of questions here, so it’s time to break this thing down CSI-style!

Issue #1: Why rob the house?

Hillsboro, MO is in Jefferson County. Jefferson County enjoys meth…a lot. Had to have been meth…or a weird sex fetish…which was possibly caused by their addiction to meth.

Issue #2: Why would you start having sex in the middle of a robbery?

One of you steals lube, the other steals one of those big black Maglite flashlights and boom! Sexy time!

Issue #3: Why would you then pepper spray your sexy robbery partner?

You’d think a chick that’s down to get freaky in someone’s garage during a robbery would be 100% down for anal, but apparently there’s a line that some chicks cross…and then another line that none of them cross and it’s guarded by pepper spray.

Issue #4: Why would you escape, but only to drive your car in to a pond?

****Broads can’t drive.

via KSDK