Now’s Your Chance to Buy That Homemade Submarine You’ve Always Wanted

You know how you’re always saying how “corporate” submarines are these days and you think stuff like safety checks and stringent testing just takes to soul out of the metal tube you’re counting on to survive while you’re under water? Well we found that “indie” submarine you’ve always wanted dude! It’s only $800, but you do have to drive to Jefferson County to get it. This sub works very well. [Read More]

Breaking Down Hillsboro’s Sexy Garage Burglary

It all started out so normally: A man and a woman were burglarizing a home in Hillsboro, Missouri last Sunday, gleefully picking through a selection of power tools and DVD players in the home’s garage, but to say it got weird next doesn’t quite cover it. Here’s where the train came off the tracks and drove directly in to a tanker truck of crazy, causing a massive WTF explosion: First, the felonious couple decided they needed to have sex. [Read More]

Craigslist: Searching for the Real Housewife of Jefferson County

We love a good farcical Craigslist post around here. cough So we’re glad we ran across this over the weekend and that someone had the forethought to screen grab it! Have you dreamed of being famous? Are you a burgeoning socialite cougar with ambitions of making ti to the small screen? Do you frequently fornicate with members of your immediate family? Sadly, this guy probably has an inbox full of submissions from every fat (but not Jefferson County fat, which everyone knows adds more pounds than a t-shirt scoop full of disposable cameras), stretch pants-rocking, side ponytail having, daycare/meth maker in the county. [Read More]

Lawn Darts are Serious Federal Business

Some guy in Jefferson County sells lawn darts (naturally) online and the feds just shut his ass down! The FBI order of “dangerousness of stuff” goes in this order: 1. Movie piracy 2. Child porn 3. Lawn darts 4. Lindsay Lohan 5. Terrorism The U.S. Attorney’s office in St. Louis filed suit Tuesday to stop a Jefferson County retailer from selling banned lawn darts. The civil complaint, which asks a judge to ban future sales of the darts, says that Jefferson County resident Steve King has been selling the darts since at least 2009 from one of his websites, Lawndartparts. [Read More]

Guy Stabs Parents After an Argument About His Unemployment

A Jefferson County man beat and stabbed his parents after a fight about his unemployment became violent. Let that be a lesson to the rest of you parents! If your weird-looking 30-something kid with beady little eyes starts to get heated when you ask him why he can gain 70 levels in Word of Warcraft in a week, but can’t get a job at McDonalds, just let him be. At that point, poisoning his morning Doughnut Pizza might be the safer move. [Read More]

Hey Man What Happened To Your Mobile Meth Lab?!

The thing about mobile meth labs is that, like all meth labs, they can catch on fire, only your seat belted to this one. A van laden with a meth factory ignited and was quickly engulfed in flames while traveling down a Jefferson County road. Jefferson County?! I know we were shocked too. Not really. These “mobile meth labs” are the like the ice cream man down there. The only person believed to have been in the vehicle, a 42-year-old man, was rushed to the hospital. [Read More]

Jefferson County Beaches Are Crappy

A Jefferson County beach is being investigated by the Department of Natural Resources because there’s just too much shit in the water. No, that’s not a shot, there is seriously a bunch of shit floating around. Like poop. During a regular inspection, staff found a substantial amount of waste water sludge in a backwater pool where the facility discharges its treated waste water. The inspector discovered the discharge site full of sewage. [Read More]

Guy Clumsily Out Smarts Dumbass Thieves

KSDK is reporting both on their site and on the air that a Jefferson County man outsmarted his home intruder. The guy got away, so I guess this is kinda true…but, we think the word “outsmarted” might be overstating things a little. Judge for yourself. One of [the] victims they say thought fast to protect his home and future wife. When 26 year old Nick Barr got up for a drink of water just before 1 a. [Read More]