Three quick questions, dear readers:

1. When did KSDK decide to start calling themselves “5 On Your Side”? Was “5 Why Do We Exist Outside of Jeopardy Syndication” even considered?!

2. Was it the same time that they just gave up on their website?

3. Anything big happen since we stopped posting regularly? No globally attention-getting race wars or anything? Oh, good. I was worried the place went to hell since we left.

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Earlier this week we took some time out of our day, pressed pause on our continual Mila Kunis British interview watching, and told the St. Louis media how to fix themselves…and then we waited. Waited for the “Oh you think you’re so smart!” or “You deserve to get more than the usual amount of ass cancer!” emails/comments/tweets to come rolling in, but they never did. Instead we got things like this:

Update: Added Punching Kitty.com

What follows is a list of the major players in local St. Louis media along with the reasons why they suck and what they can do to suck less. This is us giving back and you’re welcome everyone. We won’t even feel bad when you do some of this stuff in a few months and don’t bother to credit us.

STLToday.com

This is going to be a continuing theme on this list, but STLToday is the biggest offender: Stop pretending the rest of the internet doesn’t exist. Don’t continue to waste your time covering national or world stories that have no connection to St. Louis, that’s what CNN, MSNBC, and (to a certain extent) Fox News are for, and people in St. Louis are aware of them. No one in St. Louis hears about an earthquake in China and pulls up STLToday for the story, so just stop wasting your time. Your sports section, clearly the biggest fish of the STLToday/PD, gets this nearly right. Maybe there’s a mention about national stories, but usually they have a St. Louis tie or are barely mentioned at all. While were on the subject of news, you don’t pay Derrick Goold or Bernie Miklasz enough, please give them some or all of Burwell’s money.

Update: The slideshow has since been fixed by KSDK, and you’re welcome DL Hughley!

Original post follow…

Is this DL Hughley? Anyone? Eh, close enough. I remembered he was black…and a comedian…how many of them can there be?

Good try KSDK, but a whiff for sure. One might ask: “Why the hell is local news channel KSDK making incorrect slide shows concerning the cast of a long-running national reality show that airs on a different local affiliate?” …and that would be a good question! Someone should definitely ask that.

This morning KMOX posted a story about a Wright City, Missouri man was hoarding a stash of panties, sex toys, and “feminine hygiene products” he allegedly acquired from various burglaries. They also make mention of the man’s new nickname (emphasis ours)…

A 19 year-old eastern Missouri man has a new nickname after police found him hoarding 59 pairs of women’s underwear along with female clothing, sex toys, photographs and feminine hygiene products in his bedroom.

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Attention St. Louis:

The two local news organizations (who also run the news on the other two stations), would like to use this Tuesday night as a “do over” night. See the extra snow kinda took everyone by surprise, including our local news folks and they really really really feel horrible about not getting to spend a whole night going on and on about all the snow and how it will change everything.

Poor David Freese. The Cardinals third baseman got over his issues, but KLOU, being the “oldies” station, loves to bring up stuff people would just rather forget.

In fact, we’ve never understood why radio stations make their jocks come up with news stories to say in between songs and commercials, but they all do it and it’s always horrible. Usually the jocks stick with the lamest entertainment news possible: Kardashians, Britney Spears, something about the Twilight movies…but some, like KLOU’s Cindy Collins (2p – 7p) take the “just find some shit to talk about” job a little more seriously than others. Too bad she’s equally as horrible at fact checking as she is about pretending to take requests that aren’t already on the pre-defined playlist for the day.

Just remember: For every guy in an ironic t-shirt with think black glasses and a waxed mustache telling you how the world is changing for the better with every tweet about your “personal brand”, we’re also getting worse for every stupid ghetto fight over food stamps that gets posted to YouTube.

Don’t get us wrong, we love a good YouTube fight, but still…no one’s making the world a better place through social media with this shit.

St. Louis native, and star of The Office which is amazingly still on TV for a a little while longer, Jenna Fischer was on Jimmy Kimmel Live and professed her love for Imo’s, while Kimmel listed off a bunch of other good places…but none of them were Imo’s, and Kimmel hates Imo’s, so he sucks. He’s right about Winslow’s Home though.

Of course, we’re still pretty upset with Jenna for not taking our interview request, but the fact that she loves Imo’s helps.