Jordan Prince Strangles Babies

Hey anyone know what Jordan Prince is up to these days? Probably just out in St. Charles looking weird and strangling babies because they have the nerve to be all loud when you’re trying to eat a box of Little Debbie Swiss Rolls. You know how he do!! According to reports, Jordan L. Prince, 24, was charged with first-degree endangering the welfare of a child and second-degree murder on Thursday. [Read More]

St. Charles Police Catch a Predator Dateline Style!

We’re not sure who got to play the Chris Hansen part, but we do know the sting worked as 23 year-old Mohammad Teimoortagh of St. Charles is in custody on Attempted Sexual Trafficking of a Child, Attempted Statutory Rape and several other horrible charges. Though as you can tell by the mugshot, he’s not worried. “Hey yo! Solissatatin’ a minor?! Fagetta ’bout it! It’s one of those tings ya know? I’m horny, yadda yadda yadda, I might have tried to proposition a 14 year old. [Read More]

Fredbird the Motorcycle Stuntman

We interrupt your Monday to bring you Fredbird doing motorcycle stunts at Big St Charles Motorsports over the weekend, because…well…it’s weird. It would have been weird and awesome, but someone took two tries to complete the post-stunt high five.

This is the kind of crazy stuff we get in the Punching Kitty inbox.

Stealing and Trading 2,000 Mice for Heroin is Harder Than You’d Think

Dustin Mass and Matt Haney of St. Charles needed some heroin the other day at 3am, and you can clearly tell from the mugshots above these two dudes are in to heroin. Heroin is a killer, but first it forces you to get a cheap haircut and makes you think that stupid facial hair decisions are awesome ideas you should stick with. Scary stuff. Anyway, what’s the plan? Maybe you wander down by the neighborhood Red Roof Inn and see what’s the see (by “see” we mean “steal”). [Read More]

St. Charles Massage Parlor Owner Arrested for High Tech Peeping

If you’ve ever made the poor choice to get a massage at a place in St. Charles owned by a guy that looks like the standard Law and Order rapist, then congrats on being a movie star! …well not all of you. Some of you ladies are unattractive enough that he probably threw away the tape after you left, or maybe didn’t even bother to turn the secret camera on. Lucky you! [Read More]

Task Force Finds 3 St. Charles Meth Labs

The St. Charles County Drug Task Force has been working diligently to find and stop meth production in St. Charles and they recently announced the results of their six-month investigation: They found 3 meth labs. Anyone that lives west of a bridge drives past 4 meth labs on their way to work each morning, but that’s great St. Charles. Three’s better than none…or one…or two. That’s it though. Those are the only three things it’s better than. [Read More]

St. Charles County Man Found Guilty of Having Great Hair (and Threatening a Judge)

A St. Charles County court recently sentenced Alexander Long, 23, to 41 months in federal prison and not only is he skinny, but he’s got a head of hair even Full House’s Uncle Jesse would be jealous of. The only thing we can imagine Alex being guilty of is having a fantastic head of hair of black slik spun from the gods themselves, but there’s some other stuff like threatening a judge and his family. [Read More]

Did the St. Charles Sugar Plum Fairy Get Fired For Cussing or For Showing a Little Skin?

Yesterday we brought you the absurd tale of one Laura Coppinger, the once Sugar Plum Fairy in the St. Charles annual Christmas pageant that was fired on grounds that she cussed at a standard city employee drug screening. Cussing, apparently even while not in character, is a big no-no for St. Charles’ Christmas staff as stated in the sounds fake, but apparently all too real, “Christmas Traditions Code of Conduct”. Obviously this is absurd! [Read More]

The St. Charles Sugar Plum Fairy is a Dirty Girl and Got Fired

Update: We’ve found some interesting new information with the other character she plays while not being the Sugar Plum Fairy. Her other character is considerably more naked, which is awesome. Original post follows… We learned two new things today: St. Charles has an annual Christmas pageant, and the Sugar Plum Fairy has a dirty dirty mouth…and it’s not from that yellow snow she accidentally ate over by the reindeer barn. [Read More]

St. Peters Motorcyclist Beats the Heat By Riding Naked

Update: We had a super-quick Twitter interview with the man himself. Check it out below! St. Peters motorists yesterday evening were shocked after their eyes focused on the lilly white blur in the lane next to them. A naked dude on a motorcycle was seen heading east down Interstate 70, around the Cave Springs area, presumably heading MidRivers Mall or possibly Costco since jeans are really cheap there. “Nobody was upset with it. [Read More]