Some Old Lady in St. Charles Used a Lot of Water

An old lady in St. Charles was shocked to see her water bill in April was for $2,043.78, and we’re all talking about this because nothing all that interesting is going on. Kelly, who is 80 and lives alone in her home in the 2000 block of Graystone Drive, has been disputing the accuracy of the 351,000 gallons of metered water consumption the city billed her for. Kelly sent a letter disputing the bill to the city’s public works director, Debra Aylsworth, in May and met with public works officials on June 14. [Read More]

St. Charles Man Exposes Himself at Pool Twice This Month

A St. Charles man has been arrested after he exposed himself to the patrons at Wapelhorst Park pool Tuesday. The St. Charles County man, 53, pulled down his swimsuit, exposing his buttocks and genitals about 1 p.m. at the park’s public pool in the 1900 block of Muegge Road, police said. Several other customers, including children and seniors, were using the pool at the time. We’ll give him credit for being confident enough to stare a public shrinkage viewing the face and still decide to go through with a plan, but maybe there’s a better way to go about drying off your winkie dink. [Read More]

Too Soon St. Charles Netflix Users!

What the hell St. Charles?! You guys all think it’s funny to sit in your comfy, non-rubble homes watching tornado movies? Too soon man. Too soon. Our eagle eyed tipster, one Aaron Burrows, nabbed this screenshot as proof. He was horrified by his fellow townsfolk, so he gets a pass. We will give St. Charles a point for enjoying Baseketball though, which was a fine flick that had St. Louis’ native son Bob Costas utter the line “You’re excited? [Read More]

Whoops: St. Charles Releases Wrong Guy From Jail

Maybe the St. Charles County Jail should invest in name tags, or maybe just a new policy instructing the staff to ask someone’s name before they release them from jail. Pretty clear that current the “Which one of you are supposed to be released?!” method has some flaws. Matthew C. Gierer, 26, of the 4200 block of Spring Branch Drive in St. Charles County was accidentally released Tuesday and was free for nearly eight hours before he turned himself in about 7:15 p. [Read More]

And the Award of Best Makeup in a Robbery Goes to…

This dude, who robbed a St. Charles gas station after going through all the trouble to make himself look like a mexican with a goatee despite the fact that we can see his white guy neck. The goatee looks really nice though…didn’t really color outside the lines at all! Maybe next time, think about going with the sombrero…really drive it home!

via KMOV

St. Charles Hates Tattoo Shops, America, and Kittens (Probably)

If you live in St. Charles you should know that your local government thinks your stupid and it hates good ole American capitalism. They may also like stepping on cats tails and punching smiling 5 year-olds in the stomach. The last part we’re not 100% sure of, but the first two things are totally true. Exhibit One: They, once again, denied tattoo shops the right to start up within incorporated St. [Read More]

St. Charles Gas Station Clerks Scare Easily

A man attempted to rob an O’Fallon, Missouri gas station holding only box cutters…and it worked somehow. Authorities say a man walked into the Phillips 66, 2700 Technology Drive, near Interstate 64 about 10 a.m., threatened a clerk with box cutters and demanded cash. The man ran out with less than $200 and hopped into a car believed to be a Honda Civic waiting outside, authorities said. No one was hurt. [Read More]

Drug Deals in the Bass Pro Shop Parking Lot Always End Badly

As far as we know, there’s only been one drug deal done in the St. Charles Bass Pro Shop parking lot, and it ended with four guys killing St. Charles native and current Rams practice squad member Brandon Joyce. Seems like the safe bet is to go do your drug deals in the parking lots of White Castles like the rest of us. In a probable cause statement, police said Joyce and a friend had planned to buy drugs from Cory Brooks and the fourth unidentified suspect. [Read More]

Squirrely-Looking Convict Running Free in St. Charles Amid Other Squirrly-Looking St. Charles County Residents

Update: After making all the way to his native Warrenton, MO, his parents urged him to turn in himself, which is what he did Friday. Original post follows… Smirky McPimplehead over here somehow managed to escape the dead fish handshake like grip of the St. Louis County police Wednesday night when he jumped out of the transport van in downtown St. Charles. Jonathan Banta, 21, of the 5000 block of West Clay Street in St. [Read More]

Ugliest Woman Ever Wanted for St. Charles Robbery

Apparently Frankenstein up here took part in the robbery of a St. Charles payday loan joint and the police thing this retarded sketch is going to help them crack the case. If she really did actually look like this you would have caught her already because that up there is pretty hard to miss. Oh wait, this just in…that and it’s male accomplice were last seen driving a car that looks like this: [Read More]