East St. Louis Police Chief Fires Himself

Count us as extremely surprised when we heard the news that East St. Louis’ Police Chief, Ranadore Foggs, called it quits Saturday. Who the hell would have guessed that East St. Louis had a Police Chief?! Chief Foggs told Mayor Alvin Parks Jr. about his decision Saturday. Foggs said he had philosophical differences with the mayor on how the police department should be run. Foggs said his character and integrity were important to him and making the city safe was his No. [Read More]

President Barack Obama Ruined Your Drive Home, Got Yelled At, Had Pizza, Left

The President spun through our little metropolis yesterday and, as usual we’re sure, had quite a busy day. He started off by touching down at Lambert Airport at 5:35pm and was greeted by Governor Jay Nixon and Mayor Francis Slay, who both blew him until climax welcomed him to our fine city. “What the f*ck?! You still haven’t fixed this shit? Didn’t we give you money for this? Jesus.” we’re assuming the President said after leaving the airport on his way to… [Read More]

Governor Nixon Wants to Let Uniformed People Cut In Line

In honor of the 10th anniversary of 9⁄11, Missouri Governor Jay Nixon proclaimed that you should let all people in uniform cut in front of you in line…but just like for one week. After that you and you alone will be first in line for the new issue of Jugs. Nixon has proclaimed this week as “Put the Uniform First Week” in Missouri. He says it’s intended to show respect to people who wear uniforms as police officers, firefighters, emergency responders and military personnel. [Read More]

The St. Louis Police Department Wants to Buy Some Fancy New Clothes

“Oh officer, thank god you’re here! I’ve been shot three times in the leg and the guy left about 30 minutes ago in my car but my daughter is still in the car so at least I didn’t have to deal with her while I was bleeding all over the sidew…oh now don’t you look nice!” The St. Louis Police department is dropping some change on a new set of “formal” uniforms for each officer. [Read More]

Kirkwood Lady Thinks Spending Nearly A Thousand Dollars on a Banner Made a Difference

The United States government is having a rough go of it lately and someone needed to do something! Someone needed to step up, be a leader and fill that emptiness we all seem to be carrying around these days! Who’s it going to be? Show us a sign! At about 11:30 AM on Tuesday, a plane flew by the S&P offices in New York dragging a banner behind it saying: “THANKS FOR THE DOWNGRADE. [Read More]

Springfield Congressman Billy Long Relates Debt Crisis to Amy Winehouse

The Congressman for Missouri’s 7th District, Billy Long, took to twitter earlier today to finally make the connection we’ve all been searching for: How is the government’s looming debt crisis like Amy Winehouse’s recent demise? Nailed it. Way to related to the young people, old fat guy in a cowboy hat that makes odd references to a celebrity death on the currently popular social network! Congressman Boss Hog here thought he was mighty clever after he thought this one up! [Read More]

Translating Police Chief Dan Isom’s Response To Citizen’s Police Complaints

Over the last weekend a piece ran in the Post Dispatch about a guy that had his laptop stolen. With the help of exactly no one, he managed to locate the thief by logging in to his computer and trick him in to typing in his name and address. The victim gave all the information to the police who did…nothing. Four days after the June 20 burglary of his Pennsylvania Avenue home, Van Almsick grew tired of waiting. [Read More]

We Gave Mayor Slay His Own Meme!

If you’re on the internet, you know about the recent surge of photo memes. For example, there’s Philosoraptor, Hipster Kitty, Scumbag Steve, Socially Awkward Penguin, Business Cat, and Technologically Impaired Duck just to name some of the better ones. …but now…we present to you…the beginning of the “Mayor Slay” meme! He’s a nice-guy mayor awkwardly leading a city further in to crappiness, so these pretty much write themselves…except for the ones we did, those took amazing comedic skill. [Read More]

The Missouri State Senators Are Tone Deaf Buttholes

St. Louis is in the midst of a bit of a crime issue…by which we mean there are areas that people feel kinda safe dotted throughout areas where no one should ever go ever. The Mayor’s office and the police force only seem able to fill their time complaining about every issue other than actually getting out there and putting a stop to this, while a mass of other politicians and residents like to pretend that everything’s going great while the population of the city continues to dive. [Read More]

Jailed State Senator Jeff Smith Tells Us What a “Prison Wallet” Is

_(Photo: Jeff Smith, right, with one of the guys he met in prison I guess…wait, no. It’s Bill Streeter.)_ Jeff Smith, the Missouri state senator who was jailed last year after being found that he lied to the feds during questioning about a conspiracy with Voters for Truth to run negative ads against opponent Russ Carnahan, has written a little piece about his time in the clink and in it he answers questions like “What does ‘get chalked’ mean? [Read More]