Springfield Pastor Gives Surprising Equality Speech

This clip was everywhere over the weekend, but it’s pretty great and happened in Springfield: The clip shows a Springfield paster standing up at a city council meeting to discuss the city’s modification of the nondiscrimination ordinance to include sexual orientation and gender identity. Don’t get too excited. It’s still Missouri, so this great speech didn’t matter because Springfield’s council “tabled” the bill because they are pussies. via everywhere, but we saw it on Gawkerfirst. [Read More]

Here’s Cardinal Prospect Kolten Wong With His Shirt Off Talking About His Tattoos

The Cardinals are looking for anyone that can make them suck less on a regular basis, but it’s said they are not looking for help at second base. The reason? Kolten Wong (he’s the shirtless guy above). Here’s the Cardinals prospect doing a video for someone about living in Springfield, MO (where the Cardinals AA team is located), his family back home in Hawaii, and something about his tattoos which was clearly a question designed to get him to take off his shirt. [Read More]

Brad Pitt’s Mom Dislikes the Gays

Brad Pitt is from Missouri, and his parents still live in Missouri while he has gone on to be famous and do all kinds of cool stuff including be in tons of awesome movies and Angelina Jolie. But deep down he’s just like you and me because his mom is still embarrassing the crap out of him by writing letters to the local Springfield, MO paper denouncing homosexual lifestyles and abortion. [Read More]

Hey Ladies: He Looks Like That and He’s a Sex Offender!

Michael Campbell of Springfield, Missouri was arrested the other day after coming within 500 feet of a playground or public pool. Campbell was detained, not because he looks like the freaking boogey man, but because he’s also a sex offender, adding a second reason he should be nowhere near children. How this creepy bastard doesn’t have a crappy SyFy Channel or Lifetime movie about him yet, we have no idea. [Read More]

Springfield Congressman Billy Long Relates Debt Crisis to Amy Winehouse

The Congressman for Missouri’s 7th District, Billy Long, took to twitter earlier todayto finally make the connection we’ve all been searching for: How is the government’s looming debt crisis like Amy Winehouse’s recent demise? Nailed it. Way to related to the young people, old fat guy in a cowboy hat that makes odd references to a celebrity death on the currently popular social network! Congressman Boss Hoghere thought he was mighty clever after he thought this one up! [Read More]

Truck Spills 20 Tons of Mayonaise on I-44 Near Springfield

The southwest end of I-44 by Springfield, got a lot more delicious Saturday when 20 tons of mayo sprayed from a truck ran into an overpass causing authorities to close the interstate for several hours. The article doesn’t clarify what type of mayo, but if it has to go to waste, here’s hoping it was Miracle Whip. That crap is gross. Springfield police closed the eastbound lanes of the interstate near U. [Read More]

Cardinals Hire YouTube Star as Minor League Coach

The Cardinals hired a new hitting coach for their Double A team in Springfield, Missouri, and his name is Phil Wellman. Not ringing any bells? Well, remember the manager that was immortalized on YouTube after going on one of the all-time great manager freak outs (posted below)? Ring any bells? Same guy. “I don’t hide from it, but it was not my proudest moment in the game of baseball,” Wellman said after he arrived in spring training in Jupiter, Fla. [Read More]

Scott Halliday’s Perv Career is Starting Off Nicely

A 28-year old man, Scott Halliday, has been arrested in Springfield, Missouri for causing $2,000 dollars worth of damage to a tanning bed. How did he do that? He was standing on it of course! Why? So he could peep on the girl tanning on the other side of the dividing wall! …oh did we mention he’s a perv? … Oh and he’s also being accused of fleeing the scene when a woman busted him for the peeping. [Read More]