That Bridgeton Landfill Stink Won’t Kill You…Yet

Nearly a month ago we told you how Bridgeton, Missouri stinks.Like for realz stinks. It still stinks today, but at least area residents can metaphorically breathe easy after officials from the Department of Natural Resources released a statement saying that the stink wasn’t life threatening, but also confirmed that “the city who smelt it, dealt it.” On Friday, the Department of Natural Resources quietly released a brief summaryof air sampling results on its website. [Read More]

Bridgeton Battles Mutant Stink

So the word is that Bridgeton, Missouri smells horrible. Like if a monkey ate a bunch of rotten cheese, and then an elephant ate the monkey and it gave him diarrhea, which was put in a blender with some asparagus pee and poured in to Lindsay Lohan’s vagina…or something else that smells bad. Residents said the smell was horrid. There were some residents in St. Ann who said they could smell it too. [Read More]

Missouri Governor Jay Nixon Wants Your Stupid Kid to Be Smarter

Governor Jay Nixon knows that his state’s schools are lagging behind the rest of the country, which has an effect on the state’s economy as the stupid kids don’t tend to move as much, so he’s got a plan to fix it. It’s been budgeted, the schools are on board and it’s genius. Are you ready? Here it is: Missouri schools will now be required to extend their school year by six days! [Read More]

Check Out the New Missouri Drivers License!

Take a look at your drivers license…yuck! So horrible. Time for a new design! Something a little uglier, harder to forge yet easier to steal, and with the Arch on it…you know important changes to us, the average citizen. The license will have a new look and new security features including laser perforations and special printing that reacts to UV lights as well as overlapping data onto a ghost image in the lower right corner of the license. [Read More]

Springfield Pastor Gives Surprising Equality Speech

This clip was everywhere over the weekend, but it’s pretty great and happened in Springfield: The clip shows a Springfield paster standing up at a city council meeting to discuss the city’s modification of the nondiscrimination ordinance to include sexual orientation and gender identity. Don’t get too excited. It’s still Missouri, so this great speech didn’t matter because Springfield’s council “tabled” the bill because they are pussies. via everywhere, but we saw it on Gawkerfirst. [Read More]

City of Shrewsbury On the Lookout For Kissy Cop Impersonator

We were forwarded a “Public Awareness Bulletin” from the City of Shrewsbury last night, and while we have to imagine that vast majority of email you get being on this mailing list is horribly boring, this one was a keeper. A female motorist has reported that, on July 30, 2012 at approximately 9:00 P.M., she was traveling northbound on Shrewsbury Avenue from Weil Avenue when she noticed the following vehicle traveling behind her [flashing red and blue lights]. [Read More]

Here’s Cardinal Prospect Kolten Wong With His Shirt Off Talking About His Tattoos

The Cardinals are looking for anyone that can make them suck less on a regular basis, but it’s said they are not looking for help at second base. The reason? Kolten Wong (he’s the shirtless guy above). Here’s the Cardinals prospect doing a video for someone about living in Springfield, MO (where the Cardinals AA team is located), his family back home in Hawaii, and something about his tattoos which was clearly a question designed to get him to take off his shirt. [Read More]

Pedro Chavez is a Determined Molester

Your parents always told you to never give up on chasing your dreams, and while that’s a nice thought, applying that has a blanket statement to all dreams isn’t a great idea. Take Pedro Chavez of O’Fallon, MO (right). His dream was to molest a 13 year old girl, and sadly, he didn’t stop chasing it until the police arrived. A man from O’Fallon, Mo., faces felony charges after police said he attempted to molest a thirteen-year-old girl, left her apartment, and then reentered the apartment and tried to molest her again. [Read More]

Brad Pitt’s Mom Dislikes the Gays

Brad Pitt is from Missouri, and his parents still live in Missouri while he has gone on to be famous and do all kinds of cool stuff including be in tons of awesome movies and Angelina Jolie. But deep down he’s just like you and me because his mom is still embarrassing the crap out of him by writing letters to the local Springfield, MO paper denouncing homosexual lifestyles and abortion. [Read More]

Warrenton Banks Are So Easy to Rob You Can Do It Drunk!

A drunk woman walked in to a Warrenton, Missouri bank Monday and handed the teller a note with a short story about something that happened in Pennsylvania and instructions to give her some money. It worked, and then she drove away causing “several” accidents as she drove away. Either this is the craziest bank robbery story so far this year, or Tyler Perry is really trying to make his next TBS movie super authentic. [Read More]