Teen pregnancy is declining in St. Charles County everyone! It’s also declining nationally by about the same rate, but that must just be some crazy coincidence because stuff is really going well out in St. Charles County. That many Applebee’s can’t be wrong! From 1990 to 2000, there were nearly 23 percent fewer teen pregnancies in the county. For teens ages 15 to 17, the number dropped more than 50 percent. [Read More]
City of Shrewsbury On the Lookout For Kissy Cop Impersonator
We were forwarded a “Public Awareness Bulletin” from the City of Shrewsbury last night, and while we have to imagine that vast majority of email you get being on this mailing list is horribly boring, this one was a keeper. A female motorist has reported that, on July 30, 2012 at approximately 9:00 P.M., she was traveling northbound on Shrewsbury Avenue from Weil Avenue when she noticed the following vehicle traveling behind her [flashing red and blue lights]. [Read More]
St. Louis Gets Lingerie Football Team
We’ve always wished for the day when it would be announced that St. Louis would be the home of years of girls playing football in tight little outfits…but sadly the Rams still haven’t worked out their deal with the city, so Lingerie Football will have to do. [Editor’s Note: Tip you’re waitress folks!] The St. Louis squad will compete in the Eastern Conference against the Baltimore Charm, the Cleveland Crush, the Philadelphia Passion, the Tampa Breeze and another expansion team in Omaha. [Read More]
The Loop’s El Maguey: Now Serving Cock?
You spend your lunch hour on this lovely Friday afternoon at a local Mexican establishment and everything was pretty nice…except for the bill. Good thing we won’t be expensing this meal, or we’d probably have some explaining to do. We really don’t remember ordering that, and even if we accidentally ordered it by saying the Spanish word for it we definitely would have sent it back. We hate to be the guy to send things back to the kitchen because you look like such a douche, but “cock”, even for only $2, is where we draw the line. [Read More]
Warrenton Peeping Tom Arrested
Warrenton’s Peeping Tom has been been brought to justice after several complains over the span of years, 25 year-old Jaybirth Harris was caught peeping on a hidden surveillance camera. 25-year-old Jaybirth Harris of Marthasville is jailed on charges of 1st & 2nd degree burglary, stealing and invasion of privacy. He reportedly entered some homes, while others he just looked through the windows. This is one sick dude, but how sick? Well beyond the security camera footage, they also have the following evidence: [Read More]
KMOV Refuses to Say The South City Peeping Tom Was Masturbating
There’s a “Peeping Tom” terrorizing South City neighborhoods creeping outside people’s windows and hanging out in alleys furiously jacking it. Even worse, he’s dying for that eye-contact. The man has been spotted several times in the 7600 block of Virginia Street performing a solo sex act. Residents say the man would stand outside people’s windows performing a sex act on himself, and those residents say has been happening for weeks. [Read More]
Pujols’ Agent is a Horrible Person but Loves Hookers
Albert Pujols, the famed Cardinal first baseman, is about to cash in on a monster contract and as you’d imagine that’s just fine with his agent Dan Lozano who could really use that 5% cut to pay off his debts and buy a bunch of hookers to bang. This and oh so much more, is according to Deadspin who received a package in the mail full of nasty, verifiable things that Dan Lozano, the “King of Sleaze Mountain” has done. [Read More]
Did the St. Charles Sugar Plum Fairy Get Fired For Cussing or For Showing a Little Skin?
Yesterday we brought you the absurd tale of one Laura Coppinger, the once Sugar Plum Fairy in the St. Charles annual Christmas pageant that was fired on grounds that she cussed at a standard city employee drug screening. Cussing, apparently even while not in character, is a big no-no for St. Charles’ Christmas staff as stated in the sounds fake, but apparently all too real, “Christmas Traditions Code of Conduct”. Obviously this is absurd! [Read More]
Won’t Someone in St. Louis Just Have Sex With This Woman?!
Poor girl, she just wants some lovin’. The only qualification is that you have to be a “good guy” but frankly after reading the rest of the her ad we’re pretty sure that he might even be flexible on that. Oh and if you’re one of the zero single guys in the world that wants a random hook up to end in pregnancy? She’s cool with that too. Yea! High five bro! [Read More]
Hermann Band Director Sends Sexy Emails to Students
Hermann, Missouri’s high school band director is having a rough week after being accused of sending “sexually explicit” emails to a student. Something about blowing his woodwind we’re guessing. Among the charges against 31-year-old Joshua James are furnishing pornography to a minor and “using a child in a sexual performance”. The alleged contact took place between James and a 16-year-old female student in the Gasconade County school district, and reportedly involved illicit photos. [Read More]