Pujols’ Agent is a Horrible Person but Loves Hookers

Albert Pujols, the famed Cardinal first baseman, is about to cash in on a monster contract and as you’d imagine that’s just fine with his agent Dan Lozano who could really use that 5% cut to pay off his debts and buy a bunch of hookers to bang. This and oh so much more, is according to Deadspin who received  a package in the mail full of nasty, verifiable things that Dan Lozano, the “King of Sleaze Mountain” has done.

Here’s the less than shocking parts: He’s a liar.

according to colleagues, people in the BHSC office took to calling him “Lie-zo.”

…he can’t handle money.

“As soon as he made money, he spent it,” recalls an acquaintance, who says Lozano would think nothing of dropping thousands of dollars on dinner, most of it on wine, and would think even less of dropping thousands of dollars on women for himself.

…and he likes hookers!

According to one competitor, Lozano “was known around the agent scene as a hooker ringleader,” and women were his primary and most effective method of wooing potential clients.

“You come out for a meeting,” explains that agent, who emphasizes that the practice isn’t limited to Lozano. “You have a good time, some good drinks, you take a girl to bed, what’s going to happen? You’re a 20-year-old kid, and you think every agent is pretty much the same. You’re going to pick the one who’s fun to hang out with.”

Not to mention, he adds, it lets an agent “have something on the guy.”

But the Albert we know, with all the sky pointing and the “leaving it up to the Lord” post game comments doesn’t like hookers?! How can he be working this this asshole of an agent (besides the fact that if you wanted a morally straight agent, you’d be hard-pressed to find one). Here’s your hint: More lying!

Lozano won over Pujols completely, and co-workers say he again did it by becoming who he thought Pujols wanted to see. Danny the Chameleon.

In this case it meant becoming a pious man. Danny the party animal, Danny the drinker, and Danny the Lothario were all gone. It was Good Catholic Daniel Lozano who came courting, though a colleague at the time says Lozano confided about his church attendance that he “was only going to meet hot chicks.”

It gets worse for Pujols as the report also says that Lozano’s debt is what made him push for Pujols’ last contract (8 years @ 14.5 Million/year) which was largely considered a “steal” for Pujols compared to the rest of the market. Oh and there’s this:

According to a source, a co-worker once overheard him calling a young Pujols “just some Dominican monkey.”


Now Pujols is back up for a new mega-contract, and guess who’s in debt again? The agent has reportedly been getting his clients, specifically Alex Rodriguez, to invest in his new agency, and Lozano’s hoping that this cut of the new Pujols deal will allow him to get out from under that debt…and get back underneath a big ole’ pile of whores!

Bonus: If you’ve ever thought to yourself “Gee, is there a way I see a picture of Pujols’ agent eating out a hooker?” then you are in luck my friend! Deadspin has just what you’ve been looking for! (Seriously, that’s what that is. Click if you want to.) People are giving Lozano crap on the Deadspin comments about his cunnilingus skills, but dude. That’s probably a hooker, or at least a slut. He’s getting after it more than he should be sans dental dam. Good for him! You only live once and if you want to put your stuff despite not knowing whats’ came in or out of there good for you! Magic Johnson said that AIDS isn’t all that bad anyway. It apparently just makes you really unfunny and unsuitable to host a late night talk show, but that dying stuff is just a myth.

via Deadspin and Pujols’ christian nightmares