The Fort Zumwalt East Junior Varsity Football Team Needs to Take a Moment and Think About What They Did

Sorry for disappearing for a couple of days, but don’t go off and be a stripper just yet, daddy’s back. Give us a hug! (Hug your monitor. Don’t leave us hanging.) High school is a weird place where the acne-addled hive-mind will occasionally decide something is cool despite that fact that no, it is not…actually it’s way past not cool, like 5 exits past not cool, and it’s getting a fountain soda at the gas station off of WTF Road. [Read More]

Kansas City Chiefs Fans Are Horrible People (Updated)

Unlike our now beloved 3 – 2 Rams, Kansas City is having a hard time with their football team, the Chiefs. They aren’t good, and the fans think it would be better if the team ditched their current starting quarterback, Matt Cassel, in favor of the backup, Brady Quinn, so when the Chiefs game started Sunday and everyone saw Cassel out there against the heavy favorited Ravens, they weren’t pleased. Outside of a win (not gonna happen) we wonder what could cheer a stadium full of hate-filled Chiefs fans up? [Read More]

Sam Bradford and Tim Tebow Worship the Nike Devil According to Crazy Guy on Internet

All those people out there that think Jets backup QB Tim Tebow and Rams starting QB Sam Bradford are nice, super Christian-types are dead wrong. Turns out both of these guys not-so-secretly worship the pagan god Nike and they must be stopped! …or at least that’s what the crazy guy on the internet told us. [Editor’s Note: Everything below is for realz what one guy thinks. So consider this as confirmation of each and every one of the following crazy statements below. [Read More]

St. Louis Gets Lingerie Football Team

We’ve always wished for the day when it would be announced that St. Louis would be the home of years of girls playing football in tight little outfits…but sadly the Rams still haven’t worked out their deal with the city, so Lingerie Football will have to do. [Editor’s Note: Tip you’re waitress folks!] The St. Louis squad will compete in the Eastern Conference against the Baltimore Charm, the Cleveland Crush, the Philadelphia Passion, the Tampa Breeze and another expansion team in Omaha. [Read More]

The Rams New Draft Choice Michael Brockers is Already a Big Shot

The Rams hadn’t even drafted LSU’s Michael Brockers before the guy already started on his big shot pro athlete schtick. How do we know? Twitter of course! If Jose Canseco has taught us anything, it’s that you are exactly what your Twitter feed says you are. Brockers took to his Twitter accounthours before the draft with news that he… Already has that football player style down: He uses little pictures to tell you that he’s rich now: [Read More]

The Rams Still Aren’t Very Good At Scoring More Points Than Their Opposing Team in the Time Allotted

What have we done to deserve all these trickster St. Louis teams? “Oh I, we’re the Cardinals. We’re going to be pretty good there year! …oh wait, no we won’t. Ooop! Lets make the playoffs suddenly…no we won’t, wait…yes we will…just…barely. Hello Phillies! *shot in the face* Just a flesh wound!” “Hey everyone, we’re the Rams! We did a lot of good stuff last year and spent some money in free agency so everyone says we’re definitely going to be even better and will totally make the playoffs. [Read More]
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We Fill Out The Last 5 “Ram Rules”

Did you know there is such a thing as “Ram Rules”? Well there is, and if you were hoping a bunch of numb-nuts in over-the-top Rams gear can go through the first 5 with you, then you just passed Ram Rule #0: Be so stupid you need instructions on how to cheer at a sporting event. …earlier we mentioned those are just the “first” 5, and we say that no because we want to George Lucas all over this shit and make it worse, but because a there are clearly more than just 5 Ram Rules. [Read More]

Rams’ Head Coach Steve Spagnuolo Fires Todd Hewitt and Sounds Like a Dick

Last week, just after the Rams season came to a close with the thunderous sound of sucking like it was 2009, 2nd year head coach Steve Spagnuolo fired Todd Hewitt abruptly closing his 24 year tenure as team equipment manager. Hewitt succeeded his father in the role, and, in total, had been with the Rams in some capacity since 1978. We’d been ignoring the Hewitt story, also known as, St. Louis sports media’s current fixation, so far because we didn’t know anything about it. [Read More]

Mizzou Quarterback Blaine Gabbert Leaves for NFL

Oh Mizzou fans, wasn’t it much easier when you had a starting quarterback that was a little short guy that was good but not good enough that any NFL team would pick after 255 chances? You had to go out and recruit a tall kid with a strong arm and good mobility. Now he’s gone. “This is definitely a bittersweet day for me, I was really looking forward to having a chance to do some special things next season with my teammates, but in the end, this is the right decision to make for myself and my family,” said Gabbert. [Read More]

Sam Bradford Had a Bad Hair Day and the Rams Remind Us They Still Suck

Sunday was Sam Bradford and the Rams chance to shine. They should have beaten a bad Seahawks team and at least showed a national audience that the Rams are up-and-commers in the league with a flash new star-in-the-making quarterback, Sam Bradford, not to mention doing the NFL a solid by not allowing the first sub .500 team in to the playoffs. None of that stuff happened. We should have known it was going to go sour from the very beginning when Sam Bradford showed up to his NBC Sports interview with Frank Gifford looking like we just pulled this kid off the farm and yanked his John Deer hat off his matted head. [Read More]