All Good Relationships Start With a Great Story Like This

No one would have thought a “casual” date request on Craigslist could go so wrong, but here we are. Hell must have frozen over at this point, or maybe Lindsay Lohan finally told someone “No, I don’t think it will fit in there,” because if a Craigslist arranged date has gone awry the world is clearly on it’s head. You picking up the sarcasm? Good. [A] man told St. Peters Police he placed an ad on Craigslist for a casual date that entailed dinner and a movie. [Read More]

The Fort Zumwalt East Junior Varsity Football Team Needs to Take a Moment and Think About What They Did

Sorry for disappearing for a couple of days, but don’t go off and be a stripper just yet, daddy’s back. Give us a hug! (Hug your monitor. Don’t leave us hanging.) High school is a weird place where the acne-addled hive-mind will occasionally decide something is cool despite that fact that no, it is not…actually it’s way past not cool, like 5 exits past not cool, and it’s getting a fountain soda at the gas station off of WTF Road. [Read More]

Mid Rivers Elementary Had a Convenient Pot Source

Pamela Potter (above) has been charged with growing marijuana within 2,000 feet of a school and possession of a controlled substance after being busted for growing marijuana, and keeping meth-making chemicals on the premises of her Estes Park home. The threat of course is that not only was she producing large amounts of drugs, but she was doing so in close proximity of a school, but take a look at Pam again. [Read More]

St. Peters Motorcyclist Beats the Heat By Riding Naked

Update: We had a super-quick Twitter interview with the man himself. Check it out below! St. Peters motorists yesterday evening were shocked after their eyes focused on the lilly white blur in the lane next to them. A naked dude on a motorcycle was seen heading east down Interstate 70, around the Cave Springs area, presumably heading MidRivers Mall or possibly Costco since jeans are really cheap there. “Nobody was upset with it. [Read More]

Tractor-Trailer Spills Mystery Meat All Over Highway 70 in St. Peters

Yesterday morning, a trailer flipped over on Highway 70 at the Mid Rivers Mall exit in St. Peters, spilling it’s cargo of what the police think were bratwurst. After the tractor-trailer exited off eastbound 70 onto north Mid Rivers Mall Drive this morning, it overturned, spilling some of its contents, which St. Peters police believe to be bratwurst. So they aren’t sure if they were bratwurst, but they believe them to be bratwurst. [Read More]

Oh Sure, Blame the Fake Pot Now

The guy that ran in to the St. Peters church screaming and knocking over people the other day, has blamed all of his actions on fake pot. Yup, fake pot. Had to have been the fake pot. Oh and let us guess, he ran in to the church to get help right? Police said [Dustin W. Ostmann] told them he had smoked a sythetic marijuana called “Knock Out.” They said frightening hallucinations led him randomly to the church to seek help. [Read More]

Take That First Baptist Church of St. Peters!

You really can’t fault a man for executing a perfect plan. Drive up to a church, nearly hitting the building, hop out and run screaming in to the building knocking old people out of the way until the police arrive. Apart from forgetting to lick Jesus’ nipples on the crucifix statue, this plan went off without a hitch! Officer Melissa Doss, a spokeswoman for St. Peters police, said the man arrested also pushed another person while inside the church, laid hands on a third person and verbally assaulted another. [Read More]

St. Peters Forgets What County They are in, Bans Chewing Tobacco Spit

The Mayor of St. Peters saw some guy spit chewing tobacco on the sidewalk in front of city hall and it started his quest to ban the spitting of tobacco juice. That quest ended last Thursday. If you live or work in the city of St. Peters and you’re out in public – no more spitting tobacco juice on the ground. The St. Peters Police Department says they’ve had trouble with spitting in the past, and they say they even see people spitting who are waiting in line at the courthouse. [Read More]

Maybe the Public Hot Tubbing with a 10-Year Old Was Too Much?

We remember going to the St. Peters Rec-Plex back in the day. They played on song seemingly over and over again all day: “The House of Stone and Light” by Martin Page. You know the song…the one with the thing and the guy singing. Yeah, you got it. Anyway, great place for a kid though despite the constant repetition of one-hit-wonder mid-90’s Stonehenge anthems. The ice skating, the big water slide, basketball courts, having 29 year olds with Amish beards getting to second base with 10 year olds in the hot tub…. [Read More]

O’Fallon and St. Peters Missouri Are Government Kiss-ups

You know those douche bags nerds that always turned in all their homework and when you didn’t have a chance to yours done because you were a little busy with feeling the naughty bits of the opposite sex, they would make sure the teacher knew that they did their work and you didn’t. You just want to put your foot so far up their ass that you leave trademarks on their adam’s apple right? [Read More]