Guy Puts Drugs Up His Ass in Hopes of Future Jail Use

An 18-year-old man checked himself in to the Franklin County jail to serve his 30-day sentence, but he came with a little extra luggage…duct taped and tucked in to his ass. Here’s a hint as to what the tried to smuggle in: It wasn’t a sandwich, which is too bad because a sandwich sounds like a great thing to smuggle in. Just go with one of those stinkier cheeses and you probably won’t even notice the ass taste. [Read More]

Mid Rivers Elementary Had a Convenient Pot Source

Pamela Potter (above) has been charged with growing marijuana within 2,000 feet of a school and possession of a controlled substance after being busted for growing marijuana, and keeping meth-making chemicals on the premises of her Estes Park home. The threat of course is that not only was she producing large amounts of drugs, but she was doing so in close proximity of a school, but take a look at Pam again. [Read More]

St. Louis Drug Dealers Are Horrible Salesmen

Ok, well we give up! It’s officially a no-win situation in St. Louis when someone walks up to you at a probably creepy North City gas station as asks if you want to buy some drugs. In July we found out that you shouldn’t say “No thanks.” because then you’ll get shot, so we, being the kind, helpful, nice smelling, soul-meltingly beautiful site we are, we offered the following advice: [Read More]

New in St. Louis: People Getting Shot For NOT Buying Drugs

Early Sunday morning a north city woman was reportedly shot in the chest after she refused an offer to buy some drugs. Take away lesson? If you live it St. Louis, it appears that when someone offers you drugs, it’s safter to just take some since the one thing you can’t go to rehab for a bullet in the chest. Please inform your kids about this change in standard parenting lesson protocol. [Read More]

Heroin Must Make You Hot or Something

Outside air conditioning unit are being stolen all over the Godfrey, Illinois area and police think it might be related to that area’s favorite new hobby: Heroin. The thefts of outdoor units, nearly twenty of them, have taken place in every month since February. …but no one noticed until it got hot? Madison County Sheriff’s Lt. Kris Tharp says the targets are homes and businesses. Brillant! Why bother stealing all those outside air conditioning units on cars and skateboards when “homes and businesses” are right there for the taking? [Read More]

Wentzville Tattoo Artist Invents New Belly Piercing Remover…Oh Wait. That’s Just a Gun.

A Wentzville tatto shop owner is facing gun and drug charges, which is a total bummer since he’s already in trouble for getting caught video taping women in his shop’s bathroom. The real shame of all of this is the lost of trust, because if you can’t trust your small town creepy tattoo artist to not shoot you or videotape you in the horrible little bathroom, then what do you have in this world? [Read More]

Former Promoter Says Nelly Blew All His Money on Gambling, Steroids and Coke

If we were looking for a way to blow a small fortune, steroids, cocaine and gambling sounds like as good a method as any, but we aren’t here to approve or judge…ok, that’s exactly what we’re for, but usually that comes later in the post after we do this intro bit followed by a block quote of actual reporting. It all started a few days ago when Nelly and his then promoter SLIM got into a war of words. [Read More]

Toxicology Report: Adrienne Martin Died of Oxycodone and Cocaine Overdose?

When we first talked about the mysterious death of celebrity, and ex-beer baron August Busch IV‘s girlfriend Adrienne Martin, the police initially focused the investigation towards a possible overdose after being found dead in a room in Busch’s mansion. Naturally, family and friends of Martin denied such claims with statements like… “She was against drugs,” — Timothy Carlson, former boss “Adrienne was always very anti-drug.” — Dr. Kevin Martin, ex-husband [Read More]

NFL Running Back Laurence Maroney Arrested on Weapons Charges

No, nothing illegal here officer….oh ok, yeah, that gun. I meant nothing illegal other than that gun. Wanna autograph? St. Louis native and current Denver Broncos running back Laurence Maroney was arrested Sunday night for unlawful weapons and drug charges. Let us guess: All that stuff belonged to your buddies and you didn’t know they had it? “Mr. Maroney was unlawfully arrested for possession of weapons. He holds a permit to carry a concealed weapon and he had his permit on his person when he was arrested. [Read More]