St. Louis Drug Dealers Are Horrible Salesmen

St. Louis Drug Dealers Are Horrible Salesmen

Ok, well we give up! It’s officially a no-win situation in St. Louis when someone walks up to you at a probably creepy North City gas station as asks if you want to buy some drugs. In July we found out that you shouldn’t say “No thanks.” because then you’ll get shot, so we, being the kind, helpful, nice smelling, soul-meltingly beautiful site we are, we offered the following advice:

If you live it St. Louis, it appears that when someone offers you drugs, it’s safter to just take some since the one thing you can’t go to rehab for a bullet in the chest. Please inform your kids about this change in standard parenting lesson protocol.

Turns out, we were wrong. It happens (rarely). Saying “Yes please, I’d love some drugs!” gets you just as shot as if you have said “No”. New rule: Don’t talk to anyone, anywhere, at any time.

The shooting happened at the Mobil gas station on Grand and Natural Bridge around 5:30 a.m. Sunday.

The 27-year-old victim told police he was approached by a male suspect who asked to purchase drugs. The victim told police he agreed, but the suspect then pulled out a gun and shot the victim in the groin.

Oooooh! The groin?! That is not cool man. He said he wanted some drugs! You closed the sale dude, so that’s not the time to be shooting your customers. ABC is “Always Be Closing.” not “Always Blast Customers”. Your boss paid good money for those leads! You can’t close shit, you are shit! Hit the bricks pal and beat it because you are going out! Good luck winning this month’s Cadillac Eldorado now with that kind of sales technique. You wanna see second prize? Second prize is a set of steak knives. Third prize is you’re fired…but we’re probably not going to do that seeing as you enjoy shooting people so much, so now third prize…is whatever change I have in my car’s cup holder. It’s mostly pennies, sorry. Please don’t shoot us in the groin.

The victim is listed as being in stable condition, but no mention on the condition of his junk. Silver lining: He did eventually some of those drugs he was looking for at the hospital!

via KMOV …and Alec Baldwin