MetroLink Security: Pay No Attention to the Murders

Another man was gunned down at a MetroLink station last Friday, but lets not focus on that says a MetroLink spokesman, lets focus on all the times people don’t die! Pay no attention to the woefully inadequate security guard, security is fine! Metro officials say they spend millions each year on security, with dispatchers monitoring all 37 platforms all day and night. Quoting how much you spend each year isn’t a good defense to the argument that security sucks…it just proves you wasted a lot of money during the suckage. [Read More]

MetroLink Stations to Get New Art No One Asked For

While it could be said that St. Louis’ MetroLink stations aren’t the most beautiful train stations in the nation, it doesn’t matter. Being bland is actually a clever safety mechanism because you need to focus on the tasks at hand: 1. Board the right train. 2. Don’t get stabbed. You don’t need to look at art, you need to be watching your back, because that fat lady over there half asleep wearing the skin-tight generic security uniform isn’t going to do it. [Read More]

St. Louis Plans to Close Down the Grand Bridge Next Month

Starting as soon as March 14th, the Grand Avenue bridge (from Chouteau to the highway 40 on ramp) will be closed for over a year as plans to replace the bridge and the Metrolink station below begin. Driving factors for replacement instead of repair are that the aging six-lane bridge was not built to withstand an earthquake, and meeting modern codes would cost too much. Plus, its sidewalks aren’t wide enough for the requirements of the Americans with Disabilities Act. [Read More]

Three MetroLink Trains Stalled Due to Power Outages

Updated with comment from Metro! (See below) Three different MetroLink trains had to evacuate their riders yesterday when they lost power due to the “historic” ice storms hitting the city limits. When ice encases the power line that runs across the track, then the trains aren’t going anywhere, but at least all the riders could easily be evacuated… The biggest problem happened on the Shrewsbury line around 5:30 Monday evening. [Read More]

MetroLink Train Takes Out Truck

Like the Tyrannosaurus Rex, the MetroLink train’s vision is based on movement. Still, motionless objects are effectively invisible to these large beasts of burdon, making things like a stalled flatbed truck on the tracks so hard to avoid. Witnesses said the train, headed eastbound, hit the flat-bed truck that was stalled at the North Market crossing around 5:30 p.m. A red truck with “Mr. JP Towing” on the side was wedged against a pole about 200 feet south of where North Market crosses the MetroLink tracks. [Read More]

Metrolink Prom Photos

Some of you whined about our use of the word hipster, but most of you enjoyed our post on the Metrolink Prom last week, and one such reader even fulfilled our request for photos from the night’s festivities!

Looks like a good turn-out. Nothing like riding crotch-to-ass on a stank Metrolink train for fun!

Thanks Chris for posting these to our Facebook page!

Get All the Hipster You Can Stand at the MetroLink Prom

[Update: Jesus. Maybe you don’t consider them “Hipsters” but who gives a crap? Feel free to replace the word hipster with nerd, dork, wannbe-hipster, giraffe, whatever. For the record_: “Hipster is a slang term that first appeared in the 1940s, and was revived in the 1990s and 2000s often to describe types of young, recently-settled urban middle class adults and older teenagers with interests in non-mainstream fashion and culture, particularly alternative music, indie rock”. [Read More]

Metrolink Security Guard Invents Boomerang Bullet…or is Simply Incompetent

A Metrolink security guard was the only injury after being grazed by a bullet early Tuesday at the Shrewsbury Metrolink station. The bullet came from his own gun. This guy either spent lonely night after lonely night noodling the fringes of physics or is so dumb he eats his own poop. When we contacted the National Dumbass Security Guard Union, they only replied with “This is why we usually only give them flashlights. [Read More]

Metrolink Somehow Gets Worse

If you are going on the MetroLink and are heading through Grand and Central West End prepare to spend an extra 20 minutes getting off the train, getting on a shuttle and then getting back on the train. Also, that guy next to you that smells like piss and cocaine and for some reason has a change of clothes in a Schuncks bag, will be sitting right next to you on the shuttle. [Read More]