Former Promoter Says Nelly Blew All His Money on Gambling, Steroids and Coke

If we were looking for a way to blow a small fortune, steroids, cocaine and gambling sounds like as good a method as any, but we aren’t here to approve or judge…ok, that’s exactly what we’re for, but usually that comes later in the post after we do this intro bit followed by a block quote of actual reporting. It all started a few days ago when Nelly and his then promoter SLIM got into a war of words. [Read More]

Nelly Throws Everyone Under the “No One Bought My Album” Bus

St. Louis native and rapper Nelly had his new album, “5.0” (See that’s 3 more than how everything is 2.o right now.) last week. It did not go well. “5.0” sold 63,000 copies its first week out. The same week, Susan Boyle sold 335,000 copies, the unknown Jackie Evancho sold 239,000 copies and Rihanna sold 209,000 copies. We thought that maybe people are simply finally getting tired of Nelly starting off all his songs with “Uh. [Read More]

Nelly Finally Presented with Loop Walk of Fame Star

Yes, Nelly has had a star on the Delmar Loop’s Walk of Fame for some time now (his start debuted in 2006), but apparently it meant nothing since the man himself had never yet been “presented” with it. Apparently this star was really important to him, but not enough to take 5 minutes to shake Look Godfather Joe Edwards’ hand sometime during the last four years. This all seems pretty stupid to make a big deal about his “induction” in to the Walk of Fame now, but we’ll concede that he did eventually give a crap enough to make an appearance for his hometown fans at some point and…what? [Read More]

Nelly Shooting Music Video in Local Gym? (Updated: No. Fitness Video)

Spotted by our tipmeister, a tweet by Khris Stillman (@khrisstillman) says he walked in to his local gym to get a work out in to find the suddenly busy native St. Louis rapper, Nelly shooting a video. A music video? Probably, but details are thin. All we have is Stillman’s cellphone photo (below)… UPDATE…and the fact that Nelly tweeted about it. He’s shooting a fitness video: My Fitness DVD coming soon! [Read More]

Nelly Takes DJ Job, Also Must Have Invented Time Machine

Starting Wednesday, the native son of St. Louis and rapper, will be the drive-time DJ on Hot 104.1 for anywhere from 10 to 16 weeks. In a related, but up until now completely unreported, story Nelly has also invented a time machine. Probably. He must have. Why else would he think being a DJ is still cool?! We talked to a scientist about this bizarre move and amazing technological discovery. [Read More]

Nelly Surprise at Downtown Chuck Berry Concert

Glad to see Nelly is allowed to preform _somewhere_ these days. Though by the time the show started it wasn’t much of a secret, Nelly’s “surprise” appearance in which he shared the stage with fellow native St. Louisan Chuck Berry at the Democratic Convention concert downtown last night sure geeked a lot of people up anyway. Hopefully the fancy dinner and dancing date we took the Democratic Party officials on where we pushed our boobs up and wore that dress that our mom thinks is slutty, but works every time if you know what I mean…we mean sex…will get the DNC to feel up our city’s thigh enough where we can photograph it and bribe them to hold their conference here and then they’ll figure, “What the hell? [Read More]

Branson, MO Officials Aren’t Comfortable With a Nelly Concert

Branson, MO: Progress, diversity, words we mean the opposite of. For the second time, officials for country music mecca Branson, MO have denied a proposed concert by rapper and St. Louis native, Nelly. Concert organizer Paul Dunn announced on July 4 that Nelly would perform as part of the reopening of the Grand Palace. But the city on July 9 denied a special event permit, citing concerns about parking, crowd control and noise. [Read More]

Nelly Offers Reward for Information About His Burglary

The Globe-Democrat is reporting that rap star and native St. Louisan Nelly is offering a $10,000 for information that leads to the arrest of the men that broke in to his home a few weeks ago. Please note the fine print. Nelly is offering a $10,000 reward in addition to the CrimeStoppers reward for information that leads to the felony arrest (not arrest and conviction) of the person or people responsible for the burglary to his Wildwood home. [Read More]

Nelly Robbed! Black Guy in Hooded Sweatshirt Crime Spree Continues

We took a little unscheduled break on Friday, and apparently we can’t ever do that again as the minute our guard was down Nelly got robbed! Police said Nelly, who’s real name is Cornell Haynes, Jr., was not home at the time, but three other people were there. The suspect grabbed a backpack full of electronics and was confronted by someone inside the home. The robber left the home with the backpack and got into a black GMC Envoy. [Read More]