Bridgeton Battles Mutant Stink

Bridgeton Battles Mutant Stink

So the word is that Bridgeton, Missouri smells horrible. Like if a monkey ate a bunch of rotten cheese, and then an elephant ate the monkey and it gave him diarrhea, which was put in a blender with some asparagus pee and poured in to Lindsay Lohan’s vagina…or something else that smells bad.

Residents said the smell was horrid. There were some residents in St. Ann who said they could smell it too.

A KMOV 4 photographer went out to Bridgeton and he said the smell was so bad it made his eyes burn.

City officials checked every single area Rally’s to see if anyone had recently eaten there, thus triggering the stink, but no one had and so the mystery remained. There is one theory though…

The source of the problem could come from the two landfills located in Bridgeton.  But this isn’t the first time a strange smell has been noticed by residents.

Back in October 2012, the Pattonville fire district said [trash] decomposing underground created heat and caused an odor.

Way back in October of 2012 huh? Well that was so long ago, who took those kind of concerns seriously? What’s the worst that could possibly happen with underground trash?

They were worried it could reach radioactive waste buried nearby.

Oh sweet lord, we’ve created mutant trash stink! Why?! Why didn’t our forefathers listen back in October of 2012?! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!

Bridgeton city leaders, police and firefights have not said if both odors are connected.

Bridgeton leaders went on to say, “No, no, this is just how it smells here at our house. You’re just not used to it, so it’s a little weird. Just give it a few hours.” Nice try, but he word is out and no one will be accepting any sleepover invites to Bridgeton any time soon. People will also probably start assuming Bridgeton is poor.

via KMOV