Brad Pitt is from Missouri, and his parents still live in Missouri while he has gone on to be famous and do all kinds of cool stuff including be in tons of awesome movies and Angelina Jolie. But deep down he’s just like you and me because his mom is still embarrassing the crap out of him by writing letters to the local Springfield, MO paper denouncing homosexual lifestyles and abortion. Future daughter-in-laws that have made out with their own brother didn’t make the list however and thus that practice is confirmed to be, as expected, cool in southwest Missouri.
We know this because it was confirmed, and then unconfirmed and then confirmed again by the Vital Voice who originally picked up the story yesterday:
Vital VOICE on Thursday confirmed from News-Leader reporters that Pitt’s mother authored the letter, published under “Reader’s Letters.” Jane Pitt wrote in response to a previously published letter to the editor titled “Vote for Mormons Against Beliefs.” She writes:
“I have given much thought to Richard Stoecker’s letter (“Vote for Mormon against beliefs,” June 15). I am also a Christian and differ with the Mormon religion.
But I think any Christian should spend much time in prayer before refusing to vote for a family man with high morals, business experience, who is against abortion, and shares Christian conviction concerning homosexuality just because he is a Mormon.
Any Christian who does not vote or writes in a name is casting a vote for Romney’s opponent, Barack Hussein Obama — a man who sat in Jeremiah Wright’s church for years, did not hold a public ceremony to mark the National Day of Prayer, and is a liberal who supports the killing of unborn babies and same-sex marriage.
I hope all Christians give their vote prayerful consideration because voting is a sacred privilege and a serious responsibility.”
In short, Jane Pitt pretty much hates activities that directly lead to the not having of a baby. To which we calmly say: Whatever bitch! We can’t all pop out Brad Pitts! The vast majority of us would make something more like Danny DeVito and we as a nation are collectively good to go on those for a while. You live in Springfield for god sakes, so swing by the Walmart and tell us again what’s wrong with two dudes in love not making one of those creatures (or better yet, adopting one of those people and taking care of them wonderfully, especially by putting them in better clothes that don’t involve so much denim or hand-cut arm and leg openings)! You made a baby, did a good job of making him handsome and he somehow figured out how to not concern himself about what other people do privately, so congrats to you. More importantly, congrats to him, because holy crap look at that image up there! Smoking hot. Right now there are Christian broads reading this that were totally agreeing with Jane Pitt and then looked up at that photo and instinctually thought “I would hop on that faster the last time I did that same thing with the girl at Catholic school because two guys dared us and we were super drunk…I mean she is very pretty…and I love Jesus!” You may think that homosexuality is anti-“family values”, but your son has a huge family and his partner (not married!) might as well be considered a lesbian factory and has caused more “tissue based pre-abortions” than maybe anyone over the last 15 years.
Think about that Jane Pitt. We
have… are right now…just did!
via The Vital Voice