Truck Spills 20 Tons of Mayonaise on I-44 Near Springfield

The southwest end of I-44 by Springfield, got a lot more delicious Saturday when 20 tons of mayo sprayed from a truck ran into an overpass causing authorities to close the interstate for several hours. The article doesn’t clarify what type of mayo, but if it has to go to waste, here’s hoping it was Miracle Whip. That crap is gross.

Springfield police closed the eastbound lanes of the interstate near U.S. 65 for several hours Saturday night as they and the Missouri Department of Transportation worked to clean up debris from a tractor-trailer crash, including the 20 tons of mayonnaise spilled on the road.

The cause of the accident is under investigation. Leven said the driver lost control, taking the truck through a cable guard and into the median. The truck ended up going between the bridge supports and a guardrail underneath the 65 overpass.

Initial reports blamed us, thinking we went down Springfield way to rub one out on I-44, but it was later found to be mayo. We could have still done that kind of damage, but it’s never a good idea to expose one’s penis to the air around Springfield. It’s like you can taste the herpes down there, which is what “she said”, but also pretty true. Turn on a black light anywhere near this campus and the place lights up like a skanky halogen lamp.