The St. Louis Police Department Wants to Buy Some Fancy New Clothes

“Oh officer, thank god you’re here! I’ve been shot three times in the leg and the guy left about 30 minutes ago in my car but my daughter is still in the car so at least I didn’t have to deal with her while I was bleeding all over the sidew…oh now don’t you look nice!”

The St. Louis Police department is dropping some change on a new set of “formal” uniforms for each officer. How much? Just 80,000. “Hey everyone! Let me know what you want me to buy before the state makes the mayor our boss again!”

The St. Louis police department is spending $80,000 on new formal uniforms. The new jackets are supposed to boost morale and make officers proud. but some officers have raised concerns about the cost.

Don’t worry officer, you’re new formal duds are bullet-proof…as long as they hit one of the gold buttons directly…and the gun miss-fires. Actually just trust us.

Police Chief Dan Isom said his officers are among the few large departments that don’t have formal attire to wear when they honor their fallen.

This is a great sentence if you think about it. So you’re the Police Chief of St. Louis and you have some of your officers dying. What do you do with your “spare” 80 grand? Well get fancy clothes to wear to the funerals of course! This is like a fat guy deciding to spend his Jenny Craig money on a new fancy fork.

“One of the small things that they ask for was a dress uniform that really would give honor to our fallen officers and really make it special when we went to our special ceremonies.” said Chief Daniel Isom of the St. Louis Metropolitan Police Dept.

We think $80,000 worth of security cameras would make things a lot more “special”.

“The money could go to a bunch of different things. Any time you make a decision to spend money you could find 20 different things to spend it on.” said said Chief Daniel Isom.

…but we’re guessing that if you would have dropped 80 large on policing equipment no one would be saying “Wait, shouldn’t we be spending this on fancy coats?! Won’t someone think of the coats?!”

Isom admits cutting other perks, like take home cars from some bomb squad and homicide detectives. Chief Isom said, he was making that decision regardless to spread out vehicle for more officers to use. that’s why he likes the new uniform. It’s something for all of his men and women.

So is a big ass TV in the lounge, and a nice Christmas party totaling $10,000, leaving you with $70,000 to do something nice for all the citizens that are too scared to take the damn trash out to the curb after dark.

What STLPD officers we have work hard, and our dealings with them have always been great. The battle their losing to the city’s crime rate isn’t because they’re good people trying, it’s because they don’t have the resources to do what needs to be done in a situation this bad. Meaning, when Police Chief Tonedeaf tries to buy everyone fancy uniforms it just looks bad. The officers should be rewarded for their hard work, but there’s better ways to spend $80,000 of public funds and another $100,000 of private funds as the year you spent the first half complaining about your budget comes to a close.

The least he could do is buy the force some better cellphones so the next leaked photo of a bloody crime scene isn’t so damn grainy.

via Fox2