Goodbye Police Chief Dan Isom

Well our Translatatron 329872394834 was right (as usual)! St. Louis Police Chief Dan Isom is indeed leaving his post to become a criminology professor at UMSL, which if you think about it this is all very Judge Dredd-esque, where the retiring cop has to now go and walk the horrible waste land and bring law to the lawless, which in this case is UMSL’s North City location. Isom holds three degrees from UMSL, including a doctorate in criminology and criminal justice. [Read More]

Translating STL Police Chief Dan Isom’s Denials About Leaving the Position

KMOX has a source that tells them St. Louis Police Chief Dan Isom might be mulling an opportunity to leave his glamorous post as the lead protector of the city and take a job teaching at the university level. We’re guessing he’d be teaching art because you don’t get to be St. Louis’ top cop without getting really good at tracing bodies in chalk. A reporter for KMOX caught up to Chief Isom in an attempt to confirm the report, but he was met with an “artfully vague” response. [Read More]

The St. Louis Police Department Wants to Buy Some Fancy New Clothes

“Oh officer, thank god you’re here! I’ve been shot three times in the leg and the guy left about 30 minutes ago in my car but my daughter is still in the car so at least I didn’t have to deal with her while I was bleeding all over the sidew…oh now don’t you look nice!” The St. Louis Police department is dropping some change on a new set of “formal” uniforms for each officer. [Read More]

Translating Police Chief Dan Isom’s Response To Citizen’s Police Complaints

Over the last weekend a piece ran in the Post Dispatch about a guy that had his laptop stolen. With the help of exactly no one, he managed to locate the thief by logging in to his computer and trick him in to typing in his name and address. The victim gave all the information to the police who did…nothing. Four days after the June 20 burglary of his Pennsylvania Avenue home, Van Almsick grew tired of waiting. [Read More]