Are the STLPD Using City Officers to Investigate Online Piracy Rather Than Our Local Violent Crime Issues?

Yes. According to a report from Ars Technica, St. Louis has received a grant from the federal government with the goal of using city officers to investigate online piracy. Sure there are constant fire fights happening blocks from where your family sleeps, but somewhere there’s a 12-year-old downloading an illegal copy of “Madagascar 3” and that’s clearly a more important goal for our already thin police force. In St. Louis, David Marzullo, a police spokesperson told Ars that the city would be using its grant money to form a “area task force consisting of federal, state, and local law enforcement agencies to share resources and increase enforcement of existing state and federal IP laws. [Read More]

St. Louis Area Police Brace For More Violence, Practice Shooting Stoic Figures

Update: Changed the title, because obviously you can’t shoot someone with a knife…what we we’re were trying to say that they are shooting people holding kn…doesn’t matter. New title! This year, despite cheery tweets from @MayorSlay to the contrary, violence is as high as it’s ever been, but particularly noteworthy is the amount of violence we’ve seen towards police officers. Time and time again we’ve seen comments from the STLPD and their peers that the average criminal doesn’t seem to give a damn anymore about turning on the police. [Read More]

Even the Cops Don’t Want to Walk the Streets of St. Louis

St. Louis used to be the kind of place where some people would complain about how the streets were unsafe, but the government and the police would claim it’s not that bad, tell us how they’re working really hard, and show us all how it’s getting better. That day is gone. Even the police, people who wear armor and have been trained to carry weapons, have decided they’d rather just not be out there. [Read More]

Policeman Fake Arrests Kid During Career Day

During Washington Montessori School’s career day a police officer decided it would be fun to arrest a six-year old because when he asked him his name he gave the officer a “fake name”. In a effort to make a point about lying to the police, the officer cuffed the child and put him in the back of his squad car. Guess what happened…no don’t bother, the kid cried. Probably because he was nervous, but maybe because he had weed in his pocket, but either way he cried, and now his mom is pissed! [Read More]

Someone Put a One Million Dollar Bounty Out for Maplewood Cops

A Craigslist ad appeared last week putting a 1 Million dollar bounty out for every Maplewood cop’s head, and 2 Million for the head of a specific detective. It read “Wanted dead, all the maplewood city police officers, paying one million per head. two million for detective [redacted]” The ad, which was obviously an empty threat as they gave no address for head sending, was quickly removed and the Maplewood police are working with Craigslist to track down the poster. [Read More]

East St. Louis Police Chief Fires Himself

Count us as extremely surprised when we heard the news that East St. Louis’ Police Chief, Ranadore Foggs, called it quits Saturday. Who the hell would have guessed that East St. Louis had a Police Chief?! Chief Foggs told Mayor Alvin Parks Jr. about his decision Saturday. Foggs said he had philosophical differences with the mayor on how the police department should be run. Foggs said his character and integrity were important to him and making the city safe was his No. [Read More]

The St. Louis Police Department Wants to Buy Some Fancy New Clothes

“Oh officer, thank god you’re here! I’ve been shot three times in the leg and the guy left about 30 minutes ago in my car but my daughter is still in the car so at least I didn’t have to deal with her while I was bleeding all over the sidew…oh now don’t you look nice!” The St. Louis Police department is dropping some change on a new set of “formal” uniforms for each officer. [Read More]

St. Louis Police Officers Go To Hospital Over Mystery Stink

Three STLPD officers were sent to the hospital after opening a mysterious container at the Mansion House Apartments while serving a warrant. They were serving a warrant at the Mansion House Apartments on 4th Street in downtown St. Louis when they opened a container and were hit with a strong odor that caused headaches, breathing problems and profuse sweating. What box horribleness be strong enough a stink to give three men headaches, breathing issues and sweating? [Read More]

Translating Police Chief Dan Isom’s Response To Citizen’s Police Complaints

Over the last weekend a piece ran in the Post Dispatch about a guy that had his laptop stolen. With the help of exactly no one, he managed to locate the thief by logging in to his computer and trick him in to typing in his name and address. The victim gave all the information to the police who did…nothing. Four days after the June 20 burglary of his Pennsylvania Avenue home, Van Almsick grew tired of waiting. [Read More]

Police Say Your Downtown Parked Car Might Get Stolen, Public Replies With “Duh.”

Friday night, 62 cars were broken into downtown, most of them just south of Busch Stadium. It’s time like these when we wish the police would tell us everything’s going to be ok and that not to worry, they’ve got things under control. We don’t live in a town where you can’t even go to a ballgame without thinking about what inning you should leave to go get your car rather than thinking about what inning you have to leave before your deluxe nachos make a reappearance south of the border, do we? [Read More]