Substitute Teachers are the Best!

Was there ever a greater school day joy in a young child’s life greater than when you walked in to class to find a substitute teacher? Sure it didn’t always turn out great. You got your fair share of “Maybe if I’m really hard on the kids they’ll make me in to a real teacher!” subs, but most of the time you got some guy that just wanted you to be quiet and watch this barely educational move while he leaned back is his borrowed chair and think what’s he going to do with that tiny tiny pay check he was going to get…and then there’s the substitues that bring tasers to school. [Read More]

Local Group to Offer “Almost Free” Gun Training to Teachers

SAFTI, Saint Louis Association of Firearms Training Instructors, who’s acronym is cheating a little too much to get the wink they were going for, is getting some free press today after offering area school teachers “almost free” gun training that would allow them to have a “conceal and carry” gun permit. SAFTI, the Saint Louis Association of Firearms Training Instructors, is offering St. Louis-area school teachers what he calls “almost free” training so they can obtain a concealed carry permit. [Read More]

Best School Lunch Ever and All It Took Was a Bunch of Sewage

Kids at an East St. Louis school had the best school lunch ever Wednesday when the school was forced to order 100 pizzas when a sewer line backed up in the cafeteria. Good for them for knowing the difference between the usual school lunch and actual sewage (the difference is a side of fries) East St. Louis Senior High School assistant superintendent Beth Shepperd said someone working in the lunch room noticed raw sewage seeping into the food preparation area about 45 minutes before lunch time. [Read More]

Collinsville School Bus Drops Off Kid At Wrong Stop, Leaves Him Wandering the Streets

A 5-year-old Collinsville boy was wandering around next to busy streets after being dropped off at the wrong stop by his bus driver after he was never supposed to be on the bus after school in the first place. It’s probably the kid’s fault though. He washed off his “no bus” hand stamp and replaced it with “Side of the road with no adults around even though I’m 5.” Kid’s got some huge hands. [Read More]

Policeman Fake Arrests Kid During Career Day

During Washington Montessori School’s career day a police officer decided it would be fun to arrest a six-year old because when he asked him his name he gave the officer a “fake name”. In a effort to make a point about lying to the police, the officer cuffed the child and put him in the back of his squad car. Guess what happened…no don’t bother, the kid cried. Probably because he was nervous, but maybe because he had weed in his pocket, but either way he cried, and now his mom is pissed! [Read More]

Eighth Grade Class Attacked by Yellow Jackets!

Ahhhhh! Breaking news from KSDK! A class of eighth grade students and their teachers were attacked!!!! …by yellow jackets…and it was last Thursday. One girl got stung a bunch of times, but she’s fine. Hmm. Seems like there should be more here…oh wait! Check out this picture KSDK made! Aaaaaaahhhhh! We swear to you that we did not make that. It’s legit, and stupid. It’s legitimately stupid. Sooo…on yeah. Aaaahhhhh! What happened to these poor students that had a total emergency when being attacked by that giant bug and that drop-shadowed font, but not enough for KSDK to report on it then? [Read More]

Missouri Gets 54 Million Dollars for Winning Crappiest Schools Contest

We won! The Federal government took one look at our schools and kids and said, “Holy crap. Give them some money. Its like those Sally Struthers commercials but the kids have less flies on their faces.” U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan announced Monday that Missouri will receive $54 million in federal funding to turn around its lowest-achieving schools, particularly 50 struggling schools in St. Louis and Kansas City. These funds are part of the $3. [Read More]

Illinois Wants Four Day School Weeks, Apparently Hates Parents

The Illinois Senate is currently mulling over a move that would make all Illinois State public schools to go from the standard five-day school week to the severely retarded idea of a four-day school week. The Illinois senate is considering a measure that would change the current five-day school week into a four-day week for public school students. The proposal has already received approval in the Illinois House. Over the past few years, similar legislation has been presented by Missouri lawmakers but all have been rejected. [Read More]

Local Kid Gets Perfect Score on ACT

And the kid went to a city school! Nah, I’m just kidding. “I thought I did well, but I didn’t think I could do that,” Lafayette High School Senior Zach Frazer scored a perfect 36 on his ACT an achievement equaled by only 28 other students. …28 lonely lonely other students. Frazer offered the following advice to students preparing for an upcoming test. “Stay focused, relax and don’t worry while taking the test. [Read More]