We won! The Federal government took one look at our schools and kids and said, “Holy crap. Give them some money. Its like those Sally Struthers commercials but the kids have less flies on their faces.”
U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan announced Monday that Missouri will receive $54 million in federal funding to turn around its lowest-achieving schools, particularly 50 struggling schools in St. Louis and Kansas City.
These funds are part of the $3.5 billion that will be made available to states this spring from money set aside in the 2009 budget and the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act.
“The trick is to misspell Missouri, turn all your r’s the wrong way and submit your application in crayon!” says some guy that you won’t know so I can just make up a name. “This money is going to really help the process of education. With new bullet-proof vests and access to better copy machines our best and brightest teachers can stay alive and make enough copies of their resumes to find a nice job in St. Charles county.” continued Slappy Knobslob.