The Valley Park Mayor is So Exhausted He Argued, Ran and Spit on the Police

You know how some times you get so “exhausted” that you speed in your car and then when the cops stop you, you try to out run them, and then when they catch you and try to fight and spit on them and your breath smells like you’ve been drinking? Nathan Grellener, the “honorable” mayor of Valley Park knows! Police said Grellene [sic] was driving in Highway 30 in Jefferson County when he was stopped by officers for speeding. [Read More]

The Brooklyn, Illinois Mayor is a Total Dick

While the Brooklyn, Illinois fire department were called away to an fire-related emergency, the mayor had the firehouse locks changed. All this, a bunch of douche bags in close up black and white bumpers and Ashton Kutcher’s own prank about banging a bunch of sluts while married to Demi Moore on the next super-f*cked up episode of Punk’d! The drama started Thursday evening when the chief says a local commissioner called him saying the mayor changed the locks at the department. [Read More]

East St. Louis Police Chief Fires Himself

Count us as extremely surprised when we heard the news that East St. Louis’ Police Chief, Ranadore Foggs, called it quits Saturday. Who the hell would have guessed that East St. Louis had a Police Chief?! Chief Foggs told Mayor Alvin Parks Jr. about his decision Saturday. Foggs said he had philosophical differences with the mayor on how the police department should be run. Foggs said his character and integrity were important to him and making the city safe was his No. [Read More]

Mayor Slay Says Police Are Liars When Reporting Crime Data

If you felt a little extra safe in your cozy bed last night its a freaking miracle because this town has so much crime you can’t be in a balloon race without getting your car jacked, and now the Mayor is calling out the Police publicly because he believes the crime is even higher than the cops say it is. Someone in Detroit that just got stabbed fell down and is bleeding on a copy of USA Today, started reading about this bullshit and is laughing at all of this right now. [Read More]

Mayor Slay Gets in to the Sports Reporting Business

Last Wednesday our honorable Mayor Francis Slay, took to his blog and proceeded to, out of nowhere, dick-punch former Rams owner-in-waiting Shahid Khan by backing the “familiar face” of Stan Kroenke. Two potential new majority owners have emerged. One is a familiar billionaire face [Stan Kroenke] with generally unknown, but demonstrably successful, views. The other [Shahid Khan] is an unfamiliar very, very rich face with widely known, but generally untested, views. [Read More]

Sunset Hills is a Retard Factory

What the hell is going on in Sunset Hills? Apparently the following things have happened there: Someone honked and someone else in the street. “They didn’t see me coming, I honked my horn once for safety measures,” she said. “There was a UPS truck was coming up the street at the same time.” Wymer, a neo-natal nurse at Cardinal Glennon Hospital, said she was concerned about the daughter in the stroller. [Read More]

Dr. Seuss is Mayor Slay’s New Speech Writer

We missed this before Christmas, but Mayor Slay sent us all a special Christmas message…through the words of Dr. Seuss:

Don’t think we don’t appreciate the sentiment Mr. Mayor.  We do!  …but what the hell did you record this with?  A 7 year old cell-phone?

Oh Crap, the Mayor is Reading

We checked the Punching Kitty inbox last night and found this:

mayorslay_twitterWelcome to the party Mayor Slay!

There’s some beers in the cooler, pull up a lawn chair and have yourself a read.

We will graciously accept any advisor role you would like to bestow on us.

Call me: 314-266-8477

Maida Coleman Finds Way Around Pesky Primaries

Maida Coleman has submitted her signatures and if they are verified, she will be in the St. Louis Mayoral race as an independent candidate despite her long affiliation with the Democratic Party? She says its because there is already a Coleman on the ballot in March, but you know she just had a big Christmas card list and a loop-hole in the system.  Today, Coleman submitted about 1,000 names, well beyond the 526 required to gain ballot access. [Read More]

March 3rd Mayoral Primary Race Warming to Room Temperature

Driving around the other day I saw a “Reelect Slay” sign, which of course means its that time again! The Demacratic Mayoral Primary is on March 3rd and Slay squares off against former Alderman and former second-fiddle to Slay in the last election, Irene J. Smith….oh and some one else, but seriously…who cares? The fact I even know Smith is running is because of an article in the Post about how bad ass Mayor Slay is with his campaign and because “she” started following my personal Twitter account! [Read More]