While the Brooklyn, Illinois fire department were called away to an fire-related emergency, the mayor had the firehouse locks changed. All this, a bunch of douche bags in close up black and white bumpers and Ashton Kutcher’s own prank about banging a bunch of sluts while married to Demi Moore on the next super-f*cked up episode of Punk’d!
The drama started Thursday evening when the chief says a local commissioner called him saying the mayor changed the locks at the department. The chief says by the time he started looking into the matter, there was a call about a vacant house fire just one block from the firehouse.
It would have been awesome if the fire they were called to take care of was a dumpster fire, and once they put it out they would notice that the dumpster was filled with photos of the mayor giving them the finger. That’s how we would do it if we were the mayor of a town no one’s never heard of and decided one day that we hated the fire department so much I felt it necessary to go completely out of my way to screw with them! I would also really stock up on smoke alarms and extinguishers since the guys that have access to the hydrant out front probably won’t be rushing to help me out when my turkey frying experiment goes south.
While he was being questioned by police, the mayor admitted changing the locks but claims the building was unlocked Thursday night and a door was wide open.
Illinois State Police are now investigating, but so far nobody has been arrested.
There’s a part of us that pauses to say “Well there’s two sides to every story!”, but what the hell could be the other side to this story? “Well you see I had to lock the Fire Department out of their headquarters because…because…I’m assuming that’s where the make the fire…?” If we were on that fire department, we’d sneak in to the Mayor’s house and lock him out, then go to his mother’s house and kick her ass, then go back to his house and pee on random stuff, and finally, we’d use up all his toothpaste. These are just suggestions though as we are not fire fighters for any current municipality. We tried out a while back but they said we were too tough. Story of our life.