Governor Nixon Wants to Let Uniformed People Cut In Line

In honor of the 10th anniversary of 9⁄11, Missouri Governor Jay Nixon proclaimed that you should let all people in uniform cut in front of you in line…but just like for one week. After that you and you alone will be first in line for the new issue of Jugs. Nixon has proclaimed this week as “Put the Uniform First Week” in Missouri. He says it’s intended to show respect to people who wear uniforms as police officers, firefighters, emergency responders and military personnel. [Read More]

Governor Nixon Says We’re In an Emergency

Governor Jay Nixon asked President Obama if he can officially call an emergency for all 114 Missouri counties so we can all get some federal money. Nixon’s office says the governor submitted the request to President Barack Obama on Wednesday as Missouri began digging out from the blizzard and severe winter storm. Nixon says the record or near-record snowfall that hit much of Missouri has burdened local jurisdictions and the state with “tremendous” costs. [Read More]

Governor Nixon Doesn’t Wear His Seat Belt

Missouri Governor Jay Nixon was in a car accident Friday and it turns out he doesn’t wear his seat belt. He even (might have) said that people that do wear their seat belts are pussies and will never grow up to be big and strong like to Governor. Nixon was treated and released from a hospital after the Missouri State Highway Patrol car in which he was riding was rear-ended in a three-vehicle accident on U. [Read More]

Governor Nixon Went Hunting and Gave His Kill to Homeless People

Governor Jay Nixon took down a big kill during his latest hunting excursion and in a freaking press release, has announced that he is donating the meat to the homeless. No word yet if the Governor plans on doing a press release if he gives a quarter to a bum at the Metrolink station. Governor Nixon gave his kill to Share the Harvest, a program that allows hunters to donate their kills to be processed and then disbursed to local food banks and shelters. [Read More]

Governor Should Just Play Lotto Help Budget Says Hilarious Politician

Man politicians are funny! The state needs money and to help Governor Nixon with that number Rep. Mark Parkinson from St. Charles County has threw together a bill that says Nixon should be required to play Powerball in and effort to cover the cost. The bill, proposed by Rep. Mark Parkinson, R-St. Charles County, would deduct $2 from Nixon’s paycheck twice a month to buy Powerball lottery tickets and place any potential winnings in a fund called “Governor Nixon’s Scratch-off, Match-off Fund. [Read More]