New Emergency Siren System to Launch in April; Should be Just as Confusing as the Current One

 Posted on March 2, 2011  |  The Editor

St. Louis County is nearly complete on their new emergency siren system and expects to take it live in April, just in time to make it hard to get news about the last few spring tornados by being just loud enough so you can’t hear the TV. St. Louis County police said 88 new sirens have been installed, but they are not operational because the entire system has not been installed and tested. [Read More]
county  emergency  siren  tornado 

Truck Spills 20 Tons of Mayonaise on I-44 Near Springfield

 Posted on February 28, 2011  |  The Editor

The southwest end of I-44 by Springfield, got a lot more delicious Saturday when 20 tons of mayo sprayed from a truck ran into an overpass causing authorities to close the interstate for several hours. The article doesn’t clarify what type of mayo, but if it has to go to waste, here’s hoping it was Miracle Whip. That crap is gross. Springfield police closed the eastbound lanes of the interstate near U. [Read More]
i-44  mayonaise  springfield 

St. Louis Plans to Close Down the Grand Bridge Next Month

 Posted on February 23, 2011  |  The Editor

Starting as soon as March 14th, the Grand Avenue bridge (from Chouteau to the highway 40 on ramp) will be closed for over a year as plans to replace the bridge and the Metrolink station below begin. Driving factors for replacement instead of repair are that the aging six-lane bridge was not built to withstand an earthquake, and meeting modern codes would cost too much. Plus, its sidewalks aren’t wide enough for the requirements of the Americans with Disabilities Act. [Read More]
grand avenue  metrolink  midtown 

Jay Leno Still Isn’t Funny

 Posted on February 16, 2011  |  The Editor

We hear tall tales that at one point in Tonight Show host, Jay Leno’s life, he was a comedian. That seems pretty far fetched, especially since old people told us that and they’re always liars, making up crap like slavery to impress us. Whatever. Anyway, the point is, Jay Leno is certainly not funny now and he shows anyone who cares to watch, 5 nights a week. Last night he took a “shot” at Missouri and one Senator’s attempt to get those little children fingers back out there, doing important work for America by allowing children under 14 to work and stopping future child labor inspections and removing children work time limits. [Read More]
child labor  jay leno  missouri  senate 

Woman Who Didn’t Know She Was Pregnant, Gives Birth. New Baby Immediately the Smartest in the Family.

 Posted on February 11, 2011  |  The Editor

Doctor, is it a cause for concern if your turds come out screaming while kicking and clawing at your legs? Oh, I see. So your medical opinion is that the reason is needed to go to the bathroom this morning, was not a food baby, but because I was having an actual baby? Interesting. Can I get a second opinion? Here’s one: You’re also, pretty clearly, retarded. No joking. That actually happened yesterday morning. [Read More]
florissant  morons  pregnant 

Arch Worker Pinned Between Arch Tram and a Hard Place Yesterday

 Posted on February 10, 2011  |  The Editor

An employee of the St. Louis Arch was pinned for 30 seconds between the south leg tram and the top of the shaft while working on electrical upgrades yesterday. I bet that hurt. One time we stubbed our town on the south leg of our coffee table and it hurt like hell. Like really hurt and still hurt the next day, probably just like this guy’s injury. The good news for him is that after two days we were fine and we got to limp around at work and make people ask us what happened. [Read More]
accident  arch  injury 

Amazon.com Says St. Louis is the 18th Most Romantic City

 Posted on February 9, 2011  |  The Editor

Basing their rankings off of sales data of romantic novels, relationship books, romantic comedy movies, Barry White albums and various “sexual wellness” products per capita since the first of the year, Amazon.com has placed St. Louis at number 18 on it’s Most Romantic City list. To us that sounds more like St. Louis has relationship issues than one that’s naturally romantic. Why buy all that crap if you’re just naturally gifted with the ladies? [Read More]
amazon  list  romantic  sextastic  valentines day 

This is Probably Why Security Guards Just Carry Flashlights

 Posted on February 4, 2011  |  The Editor

The Chesterfield police were dispatched after a 911 call reported an “active shooter” on the premises of a local office building. False alarm! The building’s security guard dropped his gun and it shot some guy in the leg. A security guard dropped his gun this morning and it fired a shot, hitting an employee of an insurance company in the left leg, police say. [Lt. Steven Lewis of the Chesterfield Police Department] did not identify the 64-year-old security guard, nor did he name the man, 34, who was shot. [Read More]
chesterfield  morons  security guard  shooting 

Governor Nixon Says We’re In an Emergency

 Posted on February 3, 2011  |  The Editor

Governor Jay Nixon asked President Obama if he can officially call an emergency for all 114 Missouri counties so we can all get some federal money. Nixon’s office says the governor submitted the request to President Barack Obama on Wednesday as Missouri began digging out from the blizzard and severe winter storm. Nixon says the record or near-record snowfall that hit much of Missouri has burdened local jurisdictions and the state with “tremendous” costs. [Read More]
blizzard  emergency  jay nixon  missouri  snow 

Three MetroLink Trains Stalled Due to Power Outages

 Posted on February 1, 2011  |  The Editor

Updated with comment from Metro! (See below) Three different MetroLink trains had to evacuate their riders yesterday when they lost power due to the “historic” ice storms hitting the city limits. When ice encases the power line that runs across the track, then the trains aren’t going anywhere, but at least all the riders could easily be evacuated… The biggest problem happened on the Shrewsbury line around 5:30 Monday evening. [Read More]
ice  metrolink