Guy Gets Shot After Offering to be the Designated Driver

No city knows how to flip a good rule on it’s head, spit on it and kick it in the eye like St. Louis. For instance, earlier in the year we saw someone that “Just said no.” to drugs get shot, and now we have a guy that offered someone a ride home get shot in the neck. In the freaking neck! That’s what you get for looking out for other people’s safety you dick! [Read More]

The Best Way to Keep Your Car From Being Stolen is to Leave Your Child in There

A man’s car and child are safe today, but early Sunday morning he was running down the street in fear of never seeing either of them again. According to police, the child’s father was dropping someone off at a home in the 4100 block of North Florissant around 4 a.m. The father was walking that person to their door when someone jumped into his running minivan and took off with the child still inside. [Read More]

Two Year Old Found Wandering the Streets of Florissant

It’s pretty weird to see a baby walking the streets of Florissant, and even weirder when it’s not pregnant or trying to sell you weed, but that’s exactly what happened Monday (not the selling weed parts, but word was his prices weren’t that great). Katisha Reese said she found the boy barefoot and holding one show [sic] in the 6400 block of Hadden Bay Road. She picked him up and called police. [Read More]

Woman Who Didn’t Know She Was Pregnant, Gives Birth. New Baby Immediately the Smartest in the Family.

Doctor, is it a cause for concern if your turds come out screaming while kicking and clawing at your legs? Oh, I see. So your medical opinion is that the reason is needed to go to the bathroom this morning, was not a food baby, but because I was having an actual baby? Interesting. Can I get a second opinion? Here’s one: You’re also, pretty clearly, retarded. No joking. That actually happened yesterday morning. [Read More]

Awesome Baboon Hoax Dropped on St. Louis Yesterday

Since when do we listen to 14 year old girls? Have they proven themselves trustworthy? No, they haven’t. 14 years are the epitome of dramatic little creatures that will lie for attention. “I heard Sarah say that Bobby thinks your ugly.”, “Love that skirt Katie! …whatever.”, “The janitor touched me!” You can’t believe a word 14 year old girls say! First off, Allen the Janitor is a saint! You can’t have a mustache, jeans jacket and a blacked out window-less van with a bag of Butterfingers in the back and not be a lovely gentleman. [Read More]