Belleville Woman Calls 911 Because Her Husband Took Her Beer
Posted on July 18, 2012
| The Editor
The Belleville police department’s switch board was lighting up yesterday, all from one woman who just really needed her beer back. Emergencies are subjective!
Police say 36-year-old Shannon White dialed 911 several times on Saturday around 8:30 p.m. to complain her boyfriend would not allow her to drink more beer.
“Tonight he took away my beer and I want to drink some beer, and he took away my beer,” White said on one of the calls.
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Sweet Hiding Place Bro
Posted on July 17, 2012
| The Editor
Today’s “How to Live in St. Louis” tip: When you’re going to hang out at a local casino, don’t talk to anyone. They will eventually rob you.
Today’s other “How to Live in St. Louis” tip: Install hidden cameras.
…ok, one more “How to Live in St. Louis” tip: Living in West County won’t save you.
A couple’s Brentwood home was invaded by four men they met the night before at the Lumiere Place casino, but the plan failed and they were arrested while their hiding spot from police, and subsequent take down was recorded by a small semi-hidden camera used to animal tracking.
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New in St. Louis: People Getting Shot For NOT Buying Drugs
Posted on July 9, 2012
| The Editor
Early Sunday morning a north city woman was reportedly shot in the chest after she refused an offer to buy some drugs. Take away lesson? If you live it St. Louis, it appears that when someone offers you drugs, it’s safter to just take some since the one thing you can’t go to rehab for a bullet in the chest. Please inform your kids about this change in standard parenting lesson protocol.
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The Last Last Samurai Got Arrested in Kirkwood
Posted on July 2, 2012
| The Editor
The movies taught us that “The Last Samurai” was an Tom Cruise-looking American general with long hair, but as usual the real “Last Samurai” is some old skranky-looking guy from Kirkwood.
Here’s how it went down: Two guys start arguing in a Kirkwood home late last week and soon they were told to take it outside, which 46 year old William Earnhart did…right after he grabbed a samurai sword real quick, because fair shmair, you should have found a sword too if you didn’t want your arm cut off.
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Guy Busted Making Meth in White Castle Parking Lot
Posted on July 2, 2012
| The Editor
St. Louis’ “Make Meth While You Do Other Stuff Throughout Your Day” Economy continues to flourish. This time police busted a guy making meth in his car while chilling in a White Castle parking lot. Patrons where shocked to found out that drugs where being made so close by where they had lunch…if they had only known they could have just had meth which would have been the slightly healthier option over the 15 sliders they just ate.
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Lady Flings Cat Litter at Some Guy, Gets Arrested for Battery
Posted on June 29, 2012
| The Editor
Getting sand thrown at you is worthy of an ass kicking, but getting “kitty sand” full of dried turds thrown at you is, well, significantly worse.
The Belleville News-Democrat reports that 46-year-old Sherri Caine of Belleville is charged with battery.
Authorities say Cain threw a cat litter box full of used litter at the 35-year-old victim Tuesday in Ever and Anon Park.
The victim agreed to press charges, and Cain was arrested.
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Stealing and Trading 2,000 Mice for Heroin is Harder Than You’d Think
Posted on June 28, 2012
| The Editor
Dustin Mass and Matt Haney of St. Charles needed some heroin the other day at 3am, and you can clearly tell from the mugshots above these two dudes are in to heroin. Heroin is a killer, but first it forces you to get a cheap haircut and makes you think that stupid facial hair decisions are awesome ideas you should stick with. Scary stuff. Anyway, what’s the plan? Maybe you wander down by the neighborhood Red Roof Inn and see what’s the see (by “see” we mean “steal”).
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Warrenton Banks Are So Easy to Rob You Can Do It Drunk!
Posted on June 27, 2012
| The Editor
A drunk woman walked in to a Warrenton, Missouri bank Monday and handed the teller a note with a short story about something that happened in Pennsylvania and instructions to give her some money. It worked, and then she drove away causing “several” accidents as she drove away.
Either this is the craziest bank robbery story so far this year, or Tyler Perry is really trying to make his next TBS movie super authentic.
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Guy Confesses to Molestation During a Job Interview with Police, Goes to Jail
Posted on June 26, 2012
| The Editor
So here’s a thing that totally happened: A man was interviewing for a job with the Missouri State Highway Patrol and during the interview process he was asked if he had ever engaged in a sexual crime he could be convicted of. Which is one of those “Do I look stupid? Like I’m going to just say yes to that…to the freaking police!”
Oh but he did.
…and the funny thing about confessing to child molestation crimes is there aren’t any points for honesty.
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Nazi Zombies May or May Not Have Attacked Chesterfield Over the Weekend
Posted on June 25, 2012
| The Editor
As you can see from the picture above, a road sign in Chesterfield was set to display the message: “NAZI ZOMBIES! RUN!!!” over the weekend, which is either pretty funny, or a warning you’d end up wishing was in more places than just this one road sign.
“Nazi Zombies! Run!!!” was programmed into a digital traffic sign at Clarkson and Kehrs Mill roads in Chesterfield over the weekend.
Police said “Nazi Zombies!
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