Dumpy Bald Guy Robs Bank

 Posted on May 20, 2010  |  The Editor

You may think that bald tub pictured above is just another of the thousands of “fat guys in polo shirts” St. Louis has been collecting over the years, but you would be wrong. That guy is made of pure balls. You would have to be to waltz in to a bank and rob the place looking like Paul from Cheers (huh?), with nothing but a pursey-wallet-thing-but-definitely-nothing-a-man-shoudl -be-carrying-around thing in his hands. [Read More]
bank  fat  robbed  white guy 

Mardy Gilyard Got Robbed

 Posted on May 19, 2010  |  The Editor

Newly drafted Rams wide receiver Mardy Gilyard got jacked. “I am OK. Just upset, you know, more than anything,” Gilyard said Tuesday from his Northern Kentucky home. “It’s part of living in the city. I know from my experiences in the city when it warms up – as soon as it warms up – the grimy cats in the city come out. I wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings as much as I should have been. [Read More]
mardy gilyard  rams  robbed 

Gangs Clean Up North St. Louis City, Still Plan to Shoot at Each Other

 Posted on May 10, 2010  |  The Editor

According to KMOX State Representative Jamillah Nasheed and Alderman Antonio French talked to gang members and got them to help in an O’Fallon Park cleanup project. French met with some gang members recently and helped them come up with “Operation Unity” — a weekly community clean-up effort, “They care about our community, too. They live here and grew up here. Many have kids of their own living here. They want to bring up the quality of life in their neighborhood. [Read More]
clean  gangs  north city  ofallon park  social issues 

Old Guy Makes Hostage Threat After Running Out of Other Non-Jailable Ideas

 Posted on May 6, 2010  |  The Editor

Randy Trim was pissed off. Not just pissed off like when the Diet Mt Dew fountain doesn’t work at the gas station in the morning…like hostage threat but not bothering to conceal his identity or location pissed. Yeah…ok…I guess that can be a level of pissed. Trim, 62, of the first block of Capri Way in St. Charles, walked into the Regions Bank at 1416 Harvestowne Industrial last Thursday morning wondering why his social security check had not been deposited. [Read More]
hostage  morons  Randy Trim  social security 

St. Louis Has the Worst Casino Crimes

 Posted on May 5, 2010  |  The Editor

In Vegas, even the “little” heists are planned down to the detail. No one hits the big casinos ill-prepared. They have two drivers, a computer expert (for some reason), the muscle and the brains…at a minimum. Their schemes involve parachuting on to the roof, dropping in on a zip line, using smoke to see the lasers and then trying to get out with the money after two costume changes and stop to make some wonderfully phrased zinger to a pretty lady at one of the craps tables. [Read More]
ameristar casino  grab  heist  morons 

Ninjas Roam Town & Country

 Posted on May 3, 2010  |  The Editor

Be careful out there in Town & Country, MO…that there is ninja country. There are now two reports of ninja attacks in the quiet St. Louis suburb…maybe it’s a little too quiet…like “Did you just hear something? …hm. No.” nina-star-to-the-head quiet. Now, unless you are 13 years old, you should be fine. This ninja appears to like the easy game. A man wearing a ninja mask and all white clothing accosted a 13-year-old boy Thursday at the Town & Country Crossings shopping center, grabbing him off his bike and throwing the boy to the ground. [Read More]
dork  ninja  town & country  weird 

Um Your Thumb Drive is Poking Me in the Back. Oh Wait. It’s Your Penis.

 Posted on April 29, 2010  |  The Editor

Let us set the scene… You’re working away on your term paper at your campus computer lab. Its cold in here, and why do all computer labs always smell like this? On top of that, where the hell do you even go to buy an orange plastic chair? Weird. It’s getting hot in here now. Damn! Really hot. Its like the air vent is blowing hot air right on the back of my neck. [Read More]
computer lab  penis  pervert  sex crime  umsl 

Couple Gets Caught for Faking Paralysis

 Posted on April 28, 2010  |  The Editor

“Hey, what if I just say I’m paralyzed…I mean hell, I can just sit there when they come to check it out! I’m a god-damned genius.” I’ll give you one guess where this amazingly stupid idea came from. Yup. East St. Louis. A judge in East St. Louis sentenced 25-year-old Amy Rush of Glen Carbon on Monday to two years behind bars for her role in the scam. Her ex-husband, Jeffrey Rush, was ordered Friday to spend six and a half years in prison and to repay more than $300,000. [Read More]
army  faking  jail  paralysis 

Michael Moore of Kirkwood Hates You Unless You Died in a War

 Posted on April 27, 2010  |  The Editor

Back in February 2008 five people were killed during a shooting at the Kirkwood City Hall. A lovely memorial was commissioned, work began, and right before it got finished Michael Moore, the loser in the 2008 Kirkwood mayoral race, not the fat guy with a camera, has decided to sue the city because unless you got your head blown off in a war, the taxpayers don’t own you crap. …stupid people getting shot…. [Read More]
kirkwood  memorial  michael moore  politics  shooting 

Mizzou Racists Charged for Littering

 Posted on April 21, 2010  |  The Editor

Back on March 3rd, we talked about the unfunny, offensive but otherwise legal “prank” perpetrated on the Mizzou campus that involved cotton balls being spread in front of the Black Culture Center early one morning. Sure this is offensive, but its more offensive that someone thought this was going to play on some level. This is like telling industrial revolution jokes. “University of Missouri, Columbia Police tell Globe-Democrat.com that they are investigating but at this point have no arrests. [Read More]
bad jokes.  cotton  mizzou  morons  racist