Alton Pervert Not Doing a Good Job Hiding It
Posted on July 9, 2010
| The Editor
Scott Pyle, 50, was arrested and charged with inappropriate contact with a minor after a report from a mother who claimed Pyle sexually assaulted her daughter at his home in February.
When they asked for proof, the mother just showed them a picture of Pyle…the police deemed his overt creepiness enough for an arrest.
The Alton police are also working on trying to charge Pyle with a number of other creepy unsolved crimes like being that guy that stands too close to you on the empty elevator or being the uncle that hugs your girlfriend a little longer than he should.
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Mayor’s Nephew Charged With Stalking
Posted on July 8, 2010
| The Editor
27 year old Benjamin Slay, nephew to St. Louis mayor Francis Slay, has been charged with “aggravated stalking” after violating a court order by coming in contact with…well…someone he wasn’t supposed to.
The victim or their connection to Slay has not been released. Its gotta be an ex of some sort though right?
It would be cooler though if it tied in to another St. Louis celeb. Like maybe he was stalking Ted Drewes.
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Dog the Bounty Hunter Would Never Mace Your Balls Like These Guys
Posted on July 6, 2010
| The Editor
Three bail bondsmen for F & N Bail Bonds (aka Junkie’s Bail Bonds) in Festus have been charged with felony restraint and misdemeanor assault for among other things, macing a guy’s balls…really that one thing should be enough though.
The man said he went willingly with the bondsmen, but that Boyer hit him with a half-full bottle of water in the face while driving to Jefferson County, court documents filed Monday in Hillsboro say.
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Free Stuff in Chesterfield! Everything Must Go!
Posted on July 2, 2010
| The Editor
…I mean unless their door is actually locked. Just try the next house if that actually happens.
Five different families woke up Thursday morning to find their purses, wallets, and small electronics gone. Police say a burglar or burglars walked into five different houses while the homeowners slept overnight.
No one was hurt and detectives did not find any signs of forced entry (things like broken windows, busted locks) leading police to believe the crooks simply walked in through unsecured doors.
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Fireworks Stand Being Set on Fire, Leads to Awesomeness
Posted on July 1, 2010
| The Editor
You’ve thought about it. What would happen if you set a fireworks stand on fire? Apparently a really cool explosion followed by lots of whiney sounds about things like “public safety” and “laws”.
Fire Marshal Barry Nuss of the Lincoln County Fire Protection District said the fire in the 1,800-square-foot tent was set shortly before 4 a.m., but he would not say how.
We’re guessing a match or lighter, but it would be awesome if they lit it from a sparkler.
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More Proof that Lesbians Like Tongue
Posted on June 30, 2010
| The Editor
Break-ups. We’ve all been there. At first you’re so pissed off! You just want to go knock over trash cans and kick puppies. I mean, if you just saw her one more time, you’d…well you don’t know what you’d do…but it would be something good, like telling her about that time you rubbed one out in her hand lotion…and mayonnaise…and shampoo bottle…and sock drawer.
In a few days you calm down though and decide to just get those feelings out with a note with a cow’s tongue attached.
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Don’t F*ck With the Rally’s Drive Through
Posted on June 30, 2010
| The Editor
The Rally’s drive-through on Jefferson in South City had a action movie-style shoot out in it, thankfully while we weren’t waiting in line to get our Baconzilla meal deal.
It all started as a basic St. Louis carjacking. Oh, except it was in a Rally’s drive through. Blockquote has all the details.
It was a robbery attempt outside the Rally’s on Jefferson. The victim says he and a friend were contemplating their order, when two suspects tried to get in the car.
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Chef Steals From Restaurant
Posted on June 29, 2010
| The Editor
Its not just the bus boys at your local Denny’s you have to keep your guard up around to make sure they don’t steal stuff, its everyone, in all kitchens apparently…from the crack-head dishwashers to the fancy chef being recruited to come work for you. All of them.
Not you though. The rest of them.
Chef Mark A. Curran has been the public face of the fine-dining restaurant Araka, but now he’s accused of burglarizing and stealing from the restaurant.
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Two Dudes Escaped From Jail
Posted on June 24, 2010
| The Editor
…but they could barely fill their lungs with the sweet taste of air before getting caught and going right back to jail.
Eric Glenn Gray and Kurt Michael Wallace were discovered hiding in a vacant house in the 5900 block of Wabada at 5:45 p.m. They were arrested without incident.
Pussies. What ever happened to “You’ll never take me alive!”?
St. Louis Corrections Department Director Gene Stubblefield said Gray and Wallace were being held in the Administrative Segregation Unit at the Workhouse because they had been a problem in the past.
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Wellston Needs a Batman Really Really Bad
Posted on June 15, 2010
| The Editor
In the midst of a crack down on crime, criminals rolled up to Wellston city hall and fired several shots in to the front of the building in broad daylight, between 8a and 9a yesterday morning.
Fortunately, no one was home when the shots rang out, and the damage was limited to shot up windows and some holes in a metal frame, right next to the sign that says firearms are prohibited on the premises.
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