Five different families woke up Thursday morning to find their purses, wallets, and small electronics gone. Police say a burglar or burglars walked into five different houses while the homeowners slept overnight.
No one was hurt and detectives did not find any signs of forced entry (things like broken windows, busted locks) leading police to believe the crooks simply walked in through unsecured doors.
…or the burglar is still in the house! No, they probably just didn’t lock their doors because that 2.3 seconds was just too much to waste on the way to bed that night. The Chesterfield police are looking in to the crimes, but even they admit they aren’t going to find much considering the perps literally just walked right to grabbed stuff.
Meanwhile in St. Louis proper, we interviewed some city cops about the situation. “Wow. Must be nice to live in a place where the worst that happens when you sleep with your doors unlocked is your porcelain clown statue gets stolen. …you know…I gotta let you go. If I don’t throw this ear I found in the parking lot away its going to start stinking.”
Its true, the thought of leaving your door unlocked at night and waking up with all your stuff intact (mostly) and with the same diameter asshole as when you went to sleep does sound nice, but we would have to drive all far for Cardinal games and stuff.