Nelly Throws Everyone Under the “No One Bought My Album” Bus

St. Louis native and rapper Nelly had his new album, “5.0” (See that’s 3 more than how everything is 2.o right now.) last week. It did not go well. “5.0” sold 63,000 copies its first week out. The same week, Susan Boyle sold 335,000 copies, the unknown Jackie Evancho sold 239,000 copies and Rihanna sold 209,000 copies. We thought that maybe people are simply finally getting tired of Nelly starting off all his songs with “Uh. [Read More]

Jim Edmonds 15 Steakhouse Learns What a Difference a Letter Can Make

People around town have been getting the following email… From: Jim Edmonds’ F15teen Steakhouse Subject: Free Luxury Ride to the Guns N’ Roses Concert OMG the band that the 80’s left behind, Guns ‘n Roses are coming to town! Didn’t you hear? It must have been huge news considering the last time they took the stage here there was a “tussle” of some type (it was kinda big news)! [Read More]

“Live it Up in New St. Lou” Proves That Crappy St. Louis Music isn’t Always Rap

We can’t get those 5 minutes back. No matter how hard we may want it, it’s just not going to happen. For the rest of our lives, we will always remember when we lost 5 minutes of our lives listening to what happens when a tourism commercial bangs elevator music and then that baby bangs a giant pile of dog crap and then that baby’s baby made a YouTube video about itself.

This video is somehow making the rounds as we have been sent this from a number of people in the last few days. For those that choose not to watch, it consists of a woman (above) singing to a packed house (read: empty) about how she gets the blues if she can’t be with “you” and then wants that mysterious person to “come on now” and meet her in “New St. Lou” where they can visit the Arch, and go look at fountains, you know, all the stuff people that who live here never ever do. The question remains though: What the hell is “new” about St. Louis? Not sure. We don’t think they were worried about what that means as much as they were worried about name dropping every single suburban, sweater vest required activity in our fine city (Zoo, Botanical Gardens, the Hill, Grand Center…)

How does this compare to previous St. Louis anthems that have been brushed aside by us in the past? On the surface, there may not be much similar to past challengers (“The Worst Music Video Ever Was Shot in a St. Louis Condo’s Kitchen“, and “Former St. Louis Cop Makes His Entry to the Horrible St. Louis Music Video Contest“), but upon closer inspection there are a few key characteristics throughout all of these wannabe anthems:

1. Use of the shortened “Lou” name. They all think that “St. Louis” is far too long for everyday song use, and instead turn to calling our city “the Lou” or “St. Lou”. St. Lou_is,_ St. Lou, The Lou…The city of Saint Louis…The _Lou_. Ok it’s shorter and probably easier to rhyme, but is the “is” really worthy of being shortened? Two freaking letters you lazy bastards.

2. The need to cram in every single St. Louis establishment in order to prove their local connection. You know what? We get it. You’re from St. Louis. You don’t need to read off the whole Wikipedia page to prove that your song is about St. Louis.

3. White chicks. Each of these videos had a white chicks featured on screen at some point. What?! We can notice that.

4. They are all horrible. Not sure if this trait was on purpose. Maybe that can be St. Louis’ thing! “Hey we make crappy anthems for ourselves and stab each other for our belongings. Is that your car? Nice. You just going to park it on the street right there. Perfect. See it…I mean you…later.”

Full video after the jump!

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Updated: Eyewitness of Kiddie Crowd Surfing at Aquabats Show Defends Band

Earlier this week we mentioned the “kiddie crowd surfing” at the recent Aquabats show and the minor turmoil it caused, but an eye-witness quickly responded via our Facebook pageto defend the band: I was at this show. I have crowd surfed in my past. I can tell you right now that the kid was in no harm what so ever. Everyone in the crowd was ready to catch him, and you could see that he loved every minute of it. [Read More]

Kiddie Crowd Surfing at Aquabats Show

“Blake’s dad, can I throw your son in to the audience?”

Despite it appears from the shots above that this is the first step in a ritual human child sacrifice, no one was hurt, and it all ended up ok…but geez, even we cringed a little seeing the Aquabats front man throw progressively younger kids in to a sea of strangers during Sunday night’s show at the Pageant.

(Full YouTube video embedding after the jump.)

Hat tip to our commenter for the heads up!

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U2 is Coming to Busch Stadium

Hello St. Louis! Are you ready to rock?! Mega-band U2 has been booked for a July 17th, 2011 appearance at our very own Busch Stadium! Announced Monday afternoon, the Cardinals are bringing the bands “360 Tour” and its musical spectacle packed in 120 semi trucks to the Busch Stadium field. Take the largest stage and tour production in history, one of the greatest bands of all time with three decades of hits, add the world class Busch Stadium, and you have the formula for an evening you’ll never forget. [Read More]

Secret Sound Festival Sneaks on to Cherokee Street This Weekend

Think the satellite “Rally for Sanity”is the only thing going on in town this Halloween weekend? Well we don’t blame you. It’s a secret after all. The Secret Sound Festival is going down on the city’s coolest street this weekend with a crap load of indie bands. Tickets to the festival come with all the free “Oh that band? Yeah. Totally saw them play forever ago. Their old stuff before they sold out was much better. [Read More]

Nelly Finally Presented with Loop Walk of Fame Star

Yes, Nelly has had a star on the Delmar Loop’s Walk of Fame for some time now (his start debuted in 2006), but apparently it meant nothing since the man himself had never yet been “presented” with it. Apparently this star was really important to him, but not enough to take 5 minutes to shake Look Godfather Joe Edwards’ hand sometime during the last four years. This all seems pretty stupid to make a big deal about his “induction” in to the Walk of Fame now, but we’ll concede that he did eventually give a crap enough to make an appearance for his hometown fans at some point and…what? [Read More]

Kings of Leon Came Back to St. Louis

The last time faux-rock group Kings of Leon appeared in St. Louis they played three songs, got shit-faced…whoops, I mean shit on, and then left in a huff whining about anything and everything. Here’s what we said at the time: Jesus these guys are freaking retarded. You too big of a star to just move your little corporate-emo bitch ass 2 feet to the left? Also, you’re a bassist…close your mouth. [Read More]

The RFT Throws Their Panties at Weird St. Louis Rap Video Guy

Oh look the RFT’s Music blog has an interview with some local rapper named “Corle 2 Da”…why does that name sound familiar?… ​You may have seen this excellent vid floating around the Interwebz in the past two weeks. “So St. Louis” is the work of one Corle 2 Da, a Belleville rapper looking to make his mark on this side of the river. Belleville rapper…god this all sound so familiar. [Read More]