WTF: Shirtless Smoking of a St Louis Rey Cigar

This has little to do with anything other than it popped up on one of our random internet searches tonight for “St. Louis”: It’s a dude, shirtless, smoking some cigar with the name of St. Louis, on his couch. Five minutes long. Not a word.

Oh and he’s made nearly 2,000 more videos, just like this one!

We have no freaking clue what the point of any of this (pretty sure its probably a “sexy to someone” kinda deal)…but we felt like it was worth sharing.

(Video after the jump which we aren’t guessing you’re going to click through to see it, so we also include a photo of Natalie Portman making out with Jessica Alba while Darth Maul and the Easter Bunny have a lightsaber battle in the background.)

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“Live it Up in New St. Lou” Proves That Crappy St. Louis Music isn’t Always Rap

We can’t get those 5 minutes back. No matter how hard we may want it, it’s just not going to happen. For the rest of our lives, we will always remember when we lost 5 minutes of our lives listening to what happens when a tourism commercial bangs elevator music and then that baby bangs a giant pile of dog crap and then that baby’s baby made a YouTube video about itself.

This video is somehow making the rounds as we have been sent this from a number of people in the last few days. For those that choose not to watch, it consists of a woman (above) singing to a packed house (read: empty) about how she gets the blues if she can’t be with “you” and then wants that mysterious person to “come on now” and meet her in “New St. Lou” where they can visit the Arch, and go look at fountains, you know, all the stuff people that who live here never ever do. The question remains though: What the hell is “new” about St. Louis? Not sure. We don’t think they were worried about what that means as much as they were worried about name dropping every single suburban, sweater vest required activity in our fine city (Zoo, Botanical Gardens, the Hill, Grand Center…)

How does this compare to previous St. Louis anthems that have been brushed aside by us in the past? On the surface, there may not be much similar to past challengers (“The Worst Music Video Ever Was Shot in a St. Louis Condo’s Kitchen“, and “Former St. Louis Cop Makes His Entry to the Horrible St. Louis Music Video Contest“), but upon closer inspection there are a few key characteristics throughout all of these wannabe anthems:

1. Use of the shortened “Lou” name. They all think that “St. Louis” is far too long for everyday song use, and instead turn to calling our city “the Lou” or “St. Lou”. St. Lou_is,_ St. Lou, The Lou…The city of Saint Louis…The Lou. Ok it’s shorter and probably easier to rhyme, but is the “is” really worthy of being shortened? Two freaking letters you lazy bastards.

2. The need to cram in every single St. Louis establishment in order to prove their local connection. You know what? We get it. You’re from St. Louis. You don’t need to read off the whole Wikipedia page to prove that your song is about St. Louis.

3. White chicks. Each of these videos had a white chicks featured on screen at some point. What?! We can notice that.

4. They are all horrible. Not sure if this trait was on purpose. Maybe that can be St. Louis’ thing! “Hey we make crappy anthems for ourselves and stab each other for our belongings. Is that your car? Nice. You just going to park it on the street right there. Perfect. See it…I mean you…later.”

Full video after the jump!

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Meaningless Friday Post: Kitten Massage Therapy

The camera cuts off before the happy ending, but by the looks of that slutty little masseuse, it must have been great! Previous posts pertaining to kitty massage (giggity!): “Tuesday Cat Massage” and “Let This Crazy Lady Tell You How to Massage Your Cat“ So we now have three posts about massaging cats on this site! Yup. Our life is really coming into focus after writing a sentence like that. Stay in school kids! [Read More]

Slapped Rapper Commentary: Now The Dude Ignorant…

Remember last week’s post about the rapper getting bitch slapped while trying to lay his thang down? (“St. Louis Rapper Slapped Mid-Freestyle“) Well here’s a little YouTube follow up commentary from MissLaurenB18 Take aways from your one-on-one with Miss Lauren: She doesn’t want to get hit in the jaw because she was licking ice cream. It was random. Dude was ignorant. She’s “not even white”. Stop hating on each other. [Read More]

St. Louis Rapper Slapped Mid-Freestyle

Update: The original video was pulled from YouTube. This post has been updated with another found copy. Everyone’s a critic. Watch this rapper get bitch slapped mid-freestyle rap by a smiling “fan” below. Be warned though, this guy is hard core so he says naughty NSFW language. Comments on YouTube about the random violence include such quotable as: “oh hell nah we would have been fightin” “yo dat camera man shaddy as fuck he could’ve warned him. [Read More]

Who Has Two Thumbs and Can Get on Jim Rome’s Show Whenever He Wants? Joe Mather

Check out the video below pulled from Fox Sports Midwest of an excited Joe Mather ruining improving what would normally be a boring Jim Rome interview with Adam Wainwright. Mather ran up from the Cardinals clubhouse to repeatedly run behind Wainwright who really tried his best to keep his composure. At the rate shown in the video, if that interview would have gone on a segment longer, there’s no doubt Mather would have eventually shown his junk to all seven of Jim Rome’s television viewers. [Read More]

Science Proves That the Rams Made a Good Pick in the Fourth Round

Maybe you thought the Rams should have picked a wide receiver earlier in the draft to give St. Louis’ newest leading man, Sam Bradford a target for his first year in the bigs, but ESPN’s Sports Science is here to tell you that the Rams did just fine getting a wide receiver in the fourth round with Mardy Gilyard from the University of Cincinnati. In this clip from earlier this year, the white guy with that same hair cut every TV host not named Regis has walks you through why Mardy (yup, with a d) is no slouch. [Read More]

Domestic Disasters Montage For Your Friday Enjoyment

It can’t all be about St. Louis right? Sometimes you just need to get outside that ole’ box and watch a good old fashion internet montage.

This editing together of several “Domestic Disasters” from infomercials is one of our new favorites.

If you love infomercials like we do at Punching Kitty headquarters, check out Ridiculous Infomercial Review.

Loud Guy is “Scared as Hell” to be Living in St. Louis

St. Louis is #3 on the most dangerous American cities list…again. Old news. We are always on there. We’re like that kid that wears the leather jacket no matter how hot it gets and uses a switch blade comb. We’re bad ass. We know it. Well, I guess not everyone knows it. (Watch out people at work, this dude is loud!) At the end of his little tirade, he shows the whole list. [Read More]