The Enquirer, bastion of all that is good in the world of reporting…you know this sentence started out as a joke, but half way through we thought “How much worse are they really than the cable news channels?” Good point inner monologue! We’re running with this story about St. Louisan Jon Hamm for sure then!

Friends of Jon Hamm fear that he is taking after his hard-drinking TV character Don Draper – and if he doesn’t back off the bottle, he could land in rehab. Hamm was spotted July 1 stumbling out of Little Dom’s restaurant in LA with his longtime girlfriend Jennifer Westfeldt.

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A tanker truck was rumbling down I-44 Friday night leaking sulfuric acid on to the street which is a problem because it turns out that stuff is bad for you.

Witness say a tractor trailer was leaking fluids while driving down the highway. Officials were notified, and an officer stopped the vehicle around 7:30p.m.

Obviously, emergency crews had to shut down the highway as well as rush the officer who stopped the truck to the hospital after he got sick from inhaling the fumes (he’ll be fine). Soon after, authorities released the truck and he continued on his way down I-44 to on Bourbon where we assume everything turned out just fine.

An interesting court case is happening in Ballwin, where a man is fighting for free speech…of the speechless kind.

A Florissant man is fighting a ticket he got for giving the middle finger to another driver in Ballwin.

The man is fighting the ticket based on a similar case in Pittsburgh. That ticket was thrown out as a violation of free speech.

Holy hell! You can get tickets for that?! Luckily we’re a master of the sly middle finger. To think of all the double tickets we could have gotten if only the cop had noticed which finger I was rubbing my eye with makes us cringe, but luckily, we’re the best. There’s also the “point in a direction with your middle finger” trick, a total classic, the “pick your nose with a middle finger”, and of course the “interpretive dance with middle fingers up and flaying arms and legs”.

Monday night, the University City Council “approved”, as in refused to block, the installation of a Chuck Berry statue on city property. Joe Edwards, Loop Godfather, is pleased but not everyone agrees. Some people think University City shouldn’t have a statue of Chuck Berry on community property, even though Berry has performed there 160 times including his famous monthly performance at Blueberry Hill. Despite the fact that the statue has already been made and was just sitting there, Berry’s detractors wonder why University City would want to put up a statue of a man that served time in jail.

A Southwest Airlines pilot has been indefinitely suspended after his tirade on the current state of airline flight attendants. The full audio is embedded below and it’s definitely offensive and NSFW, which is why we posted it on a Friday because, it’s fun to do wacky stuff on Fridays like wear Hawaiian shirts or go up to that new chick in accounting and throw a few double entendres her direction to see how she handles herself. TGIF, bitches! Sometimes you just gotta grab the mic and transmit some horrible homophobic and misogynistic stuff to anyone with the frequency ya know?

This morning people were crying over the traffic as it ground to a halt because of yet another truck spilling it’s payload all over the highway and the aroma the payload left behind.

A truck lost a load of onions on I-55 just north of the 7th Street/Park exit, north of where [I-44 and I-55] merge south of downtown.

After clearing the onions themselves off to the shoulder, crews called in a street sweeper to clean up the juice left over after hundreds were run over by vehicles. Apparently onion juice is very slick.

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It’s a bit of a bummer that we won’t be able to personally cover St. Louis’ “pop culture/sci fi/horror convention”, Contamination, like we did last year because of schedule conflicts, but we wanted to give them a mention anyway.

Contamination: 2011, the “sequel” to last year’s even seems to be even bigger with none other than celebrity headliner: Eric Roberts! Oh yes…Eric Roberts. The star (ahem) of both “The Dark Knight” and “VH1: Celebrity Rehab” will be in St. Louis this weekend! Here’s what else is happening:

Cincinnati.com put a poll up to their readers to find out who the area’s most disliked sports personalities were. The amount of both former and current St. Louis Cardinals is hard to miss. Here’s the list (so you don’t have to click the source link an then click through the stupid slideshow):

10. Chris Carpenter, current Cardinal pitcher (12)

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Both Illinois’ St. Clair County and Missouri’s University City opened their doors yesterday morning to a line of people waiting to be the first few to get a civil union in their respective areas. Meanwhile, hate filled people somehow failed to noticed that the world did actually continue to spin and society as we know it, did go on.

In St. Clair:

St. Clair County Clerk Bob Delaney reported that seven couples in the county had been united as of 9 AM and that he was expecting more to turn out.

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Larry Hughes is a nice guy.

The former NBA player and St. Louis native dolled out $4,500 in free gas in $30 dollar chunks to the first to arrive at a particular gas station. Hughes also signed autographs and allowed photos to the motorists while gassing up. Good for you Larry!

Also congrats are in order for ourselves since despite all those “gas” references and we still totally resisted the urge to make any fart jokes! Now do you see us all up in arms saying we deserve free gas money? No, you don’t. Heroes set themselves to a higher standard.