We miss the days when flashers rocked the long trench coat, walked right up to people and just put it out there and sometimes, if they are really good, threw in a little wiggle for good measure.  Today’s flashers, are just too damn lazy!  Take for instance this schmuck in Webster Groves:

Police in Webster Groves and Brentwood are looking for a man who exposed himself to young girls four different times.

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Recently there have been some pretty messed up violent crimes going down in the trendy Lafayette Square neighborhood of St.Louis City, so about 20 people took to the streets for a rally against the violence.

Its all very sad and I hope what they did helps, but this lady above, picture on STLToday.com with the story is a horrible sign maker.

Man some guys get all the breaks.  She Richard up there?  He somehow broke off a piece of that sexy Donna up there!  Man.  How did he do it?!

It doesn’t matter though.  Now I have a plan to steal Donna away from him so I make out with her and find out what that crust on the corner of her mouth tastes like.

Alvin Parks ran for and won the titles of Mayor and Liquor Commissioner of that turd of a city, our neighbors to the east that piggy-backs off of our name, East St. Louis.  Throughout the whole process however, Parks never did realize that East St. Louis is, in fact, a pit of booze, drugs, crime and despair.  All of a sudden Parks is “fed up” with the situation in East St. Louis, and he’s going to enact a plan to fix it:  Move up the ole selling liquor cut off.  It is now 1am.

The St. Louis County Council is taking a vote soon to be the first place in the nation to install “bait houses,” because we have lots of empty houses and calling some of them a special names means you can cross them off the total number of empty homes list!

The St. Louis County Police Department proposed the idea to crack down on criminals breaking into vacant foreclosed houses. One of the detectives got the idea from the “bait cars” that are used to track car thieves. Some of the items inside the bait houses would have tracking devices that police will monitor.

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Stupid baby.  You can’t take on a grow 26 year old Jefferson County man!  I’m sure you didn’t want to learn that lesson with skull fractures, but well, now you know the ageless lesson: “Don’t start nothin’, won’t be nothin’!”

Jefferson County Prosecutor Forrest Wegge has charged Ronald Wills, 26, of Arnold with felony assault and endangering the welfare of a child after he allegedly beat his girlfriend’s 1-year-old daughter.

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James Looney (no, not the Dodgers player.  He only has one ‘o’.) decided to show his girlfriend how to use a gun the other day.  Clearly the lesson plan wasn’t sinking in, so this teaching revolutionary decided the best way to show her how to not use a gun was the kill himself.

Best lesson plan of all time!  You can only use it the one time though.

This sexy fella on the right is Officer Leon Pullen and he is accused of robbing 10 prostitutes and sexually assaulting at least three of them.

Using “online advertising” [Editor’s Note: *cough* Craigslist! *cough*] Pullen lured his victims to North County city of Uplands Park where he worked as an officer.  According to one of the victims, after meeting up with a prostitute responding to his ad, Pullen took her money and performed oral sex on her against her will in the police station, court documents allege.

Wait, what?

A man who allegedly broke into a house because it was a place to smoke cocaine and “cool off” then spread liquid hand soap about the house before leaving, St. Louis County police said.

Darion J. Ellis, 18, of Florissant, told police he poured the liquid soap throughout the house to clean up after himself, according to the police report.

Weird huh?  Don’t worry the police have it figured out.

According to a national study that was just released, the number of people older than 12 that use meth in this area fell 60% between 2006 and 2008.  Not only that, but the number of people trying meth also dropped 60% as well.

Alright!  High-five cops!

But law enforcement officials took little solace in the numbers.

Awww.  Um…great.  Way to kill the mood.