A North Side Story

 Posted on May 10, 2011  |  The Editor

There are some that believe, despite all the evidence to the contrary, like the dropping population numbers, the fact we have our own, albeit crappy, superhero, and that St. Louis’s crime issue isn’t as bad as folks like us make it out to be. To those people, we present this, the saddest, craziest story we’ve heard of…so far this week: In short, a group of people gathered in the street for a vigil for their slain family member and friend last week. [Read More]
death  north city  shooting 

Illinois Drunk Drivers Deliver Themselves to the Police Department

 Posted on May 10, 2011  |  The Editor

So you’re a regular run of the mill Illinois woman who looks like a high school boy and gets in a fight with your (taking a shot in the dark here) lesbian partner and you decide that the only people that can settle this dispute are the proper authorities, right? So you and your girl hop in the car and head to the Illinois State Police headquarters, problem solved! …Oh wait…you haven’t been drinking have you? [Read More]
drunk driving  illinois  morons 

Gas Station Drunk Beating Officer Ries Cleared of All Charges

 Posted on May 4, 2011  |  The Editor

The off duty police officer featured in the infamous YouTube video recorded on New Year’s Eve and released a few days later was cleared of all charges, while the drunk who got to taste the business end of a nightstick was charged with misdemeanor assault for lunging at the officer’s ankles. The two-minute, 13-second video showed Officer Dustin Ries, 38, pulling a man away from a car, beating him with a police baton and spraying him with pepper spray. [Read More]
beating  Dustin Ries  police 

Moped Drive-Bys Are A Thing Now

 Posted on May 2, 2011  |  The Editor

Times are though, and when you want to kill someone without having to give up your in-aimable Uzi, sacrifices must be made! According to authorities two men performed a drive-by shooting on a red moped. One victim was shot in his side while sitting in his car. He is listed in serious condition. The second victim was shot in the arm while standing on the sidewalk. The suspects fled the scene. [Read More]
green  hats  indians  moped 

We’re Pretty Sure Nate Dogg Robbed a Granite City Cash Store

 Posted on May 2, 2011  |  The Editor

Ok, ok you’re pretty sure Nate Dogg’s dead right? We were too…until…seriously, hang in there with us for a second…we saw this security camera still taken from the Granite City, Illinois Advanced America Cash Advance (Where the second “advance” means advance!) store. …and then remembered this: Ok, so that’s definitely Nate Dogg, who isn’t dead, and/or has now become a zombie. No word on Eazy E’s status as of yet, but he had AIDS…and um…AIDS even takes out zombies we figure, so he might just still be dead. [Read More]
granite city  nate dogg  robbery 

The Important Thing Was She Gave the Pervert the Correct Time

 Posted on April 29, 2011  |  The Editor

When you’re 17 you do some crazy stuff. One summer a few of us guys decided to make a pact to get laid before we went to college, it was a wild time trying to get laid and win the bet. One guy screwed a pie, another guy banged the other dude’s mom and along the way we coined the term MILF that is still a popular parlance today. That may have actually been a movie I saw when we were 17, but still…wild times. [Read More]
nudity  pervert  sextastic  sexual abuse 

Score One For Dierbergs: Man Runs Over People in Schnucks Parking Lot

 Posted on April 26, 2011  |  The Editor

A 61-year old man hopped in his car in the parking lot of a Creve Coeur Schnucks and attempted to run over people Saturday morning. In summary, on Josef Achtentuch went bat shit crazy at a Schnucks. Probably to teach the local grocer a much needed lesson about keeping your salad bar up with the competition. Dierbergs’ salad bars are much better. We mean like, way better. Like three different kinds of croutons better. [Read More]
assault  bricks  morons  schnucks 

Two of the Worst People Ever Escape From St. Louis Jail

 Posted on April 25, 2011  |  The Editor

In a story so weird, only a giant, airport stomping storm could blow it off the front page, two prisoners escaped from the St. Louis Justice Center. A jail so high-tech that it’s only venerability are movie escape plots. Inmates Vernon Lamont Collins, 34, and David White, 33, apparently broke out a front window and scaled down the front of the building at 200 S. Tucker Boulevard using black bedsheets tied together with rope. [Read More]
escape  jail  morons 

Don’t Worry Folks, the Vindicator Will Save Us

 Posted on April 19, 2011  |  The Editor

A link has been making the rounds recently of a Craigslist ad from a man calling himself the Vindicator, and he claims he is St. Louis’ masked vigilante. Nothing like putting a Craigslist ad out there in the “nonprofit jobs” section to drum up interest in your burgeoning superhero career. We believe this is the same way Batman found Robin…that was back in the day though when grown men could put an ad up that read “Powerful man in tight clothes and cape looking for young athletic boy to help beat off Gotham City’s biggest brutes! [Read More]
superhero  vigilante  weird 

Man Beaten With 2×4 in North City Basement

 Posted on April 18, 2011  |  The Editor

A man and his girlfriend are telling police of one really really bad day where the man was being confined to a North City basement and beaten with 2×4’s. Wow, that sounds pretty ba…oh and then he was moved to another vacant North City home a block over and beaten more there. Yikes. According to Lieutenant Dan Zarrick, a girlfriend received a call from her boyfriend that he’s being held against his will and assaulted in the basement of a house in the 5400 block of Partridge. [Read More]
beating  north city