Illinois Drunk Drivers Deliver Themselves to the Police Department

So you’re a regular run of the mill Illinois woman who looks like a high school boy and gets in a fight with your (taking a shot in the dark here) lesbian partner and you decide that the only people that can settle this dispute are the proper authorities, right? So you and your girl hop in the car and head to the Illinois State Police headquarters, problem solved! …Oh wait…you haven’t been drinking have you?

25-year-old Carrie Beth Banfield and 23-year-old Delsislava K. Jeliazkova drove to the Illinois State Police headquarters to talk to state troopers about the dispute.

After talking to both motorists, it was determined they both had been drinking and were taken into custody.

Only white people would ever think of driving to the police to solve a drunken argument. Frankly it boggles the mind as to what possessed Pee Wee Herman’s hip nephew here to drive to the police to settle their domestic situation. What could have the argument consisted of that would lend itself to police-aided arbitration? Other than arguing over whether or not the cops would figure out a game of “pat me down until you find the penis I wish I had” was a lost cause, we can’t see why you’d want to involve them.

We’re kidding! We love lesbians! You girls always take the big hairy ladies out of the dating pool for us, kinda like how spiders get rid of mosquitos for us…both deals make pool parties better for everyone!

via KMOV