Early Sunday morning state police raided three East St. Louis nightclubs to look for crimes and because they wanted to grab a beer so going all at once with bullet-proof vests and guns drawn seemed like the safest way to go.

According to search warrants, investigators were looking for illegal drugs, weapons and other evidence of wrongdoing at three East St. Louis clubs: Posh, Club 103 and Club Rolex.

They actually had to go get a search warrant to search an East St. Louis club on a Saturday night?! What a waste of time. We figured at this point Illinois just gave each cop a “warrant pad” which had the basic structure with required blanks to fill in ala “Mad Libs”.

Apparently St. Louis has a major issue with people stealing street signs. One theory is people are stealing the metal signs to sell to scrap metal dealers, while our theory is that people are stealing them to put under their shirts for cheap bullet-proof vests. Either way it’s a problem.

St. Louis City Streets Department Director Todd Waelterman says with the economy already straining budgets, sign replacement is becoming a problem.

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At least two people have been killed in East St. Louis shootings over the long weekend that started with a “Stop the Violence” rally, but if you think that’s news then we should also tell you about the Cubs being horrible and how Taco Bell makes us poop. What is a little more news like is that a man was shot today on an overpass after what appears to be a “road rage” incident…and it happened deep in St. Charles County! It turns out it’s not just the city folk packing heat, it’s everyone in the bi-state area.

A woman robbed a Commerce Bank in Richmond Heights Tuesday morning…well kinda…not really actually. She ended up taking her note and giving up before she took any money. Turns out that’s just enough to get the cops all mad at you though.

The suspect handed a note to the teller indicating she had a gun and demanding money.

Apparently she then became impatient because shortly after giving the teller the note, she retrieved her note and left the bank without any money.

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Updated below with an anonymous response.

The owner of the Crestwood construction company is in trouble after it was discovered he had wired up a hidden camera in the ladies room. A woman employee is obviously pretty “pissed” about it, but for any other non-employees: What you’re peeing in a construction company office? How bad did you have to go? How long were you there? Did this guy give everyone a gallon jug of water in the waiting room? Before this story, we would have estimated the number of girls peeing in a construction office to be zero. The cops were probably like “This guy’s going to jail, but next time, hold it.”

One of those horse-drawn carriages was jacked Tuesday night by a cane wielding assailant who apparently found no cars worthy of stealing or more likely, as this took place downtown, there might not have been any cars left that hadn’t already been broken in to.

The St. Louis Carriage Company driver Larry Turner said he was steering his horse, Harry, back to the company’s stables about 8:25 p.m. toward the end of his shift. He spotted a [Johnny Medina, 40], sitting on some steps, staring at the carriage as he rolled by.

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Hey people over 30! Remember Jem? (Reminder) Well not is she still “truly outrageous” but she’s on meth now and living in Cottage Hills, Illinois.

34 year old Rachael Toner Jem is charged with what officials call an enhanced Class X charge of Aggravated Participation in Meth.  The arrest of Toner took place at a home in Cottage Hills, Illinois.

Jem, who now looks like this…

Dana Kintz and Shawn Ingram have been charged with “unlawful sex with an animal” (which makes us wonder what the “lawful” kind is…accidental peanut butter oral would be our guess) after Kintz called the cops because Ingram slapped her around a bit. Not long after police arrested the couple because of photos found on Ingram’s cell phone of Kintz sexually assaulting a dog. To be fair, the dude’s face does kinda look like a dog’s ass so maybe she was just confused, but still you’d like to think someone could figure out their mistake pretty quickly.

Again. It happened again!

A 17-year-old hospitalized after he was shot in the face.

It happened Monday night near Bryant and O’Fallon in north St. Louis.

The unidentified teen is hospitalized in serious condition.

(That’s the whole story on KMOX’s site. Not sure why it was phrased in extended Haiku form.)

Why do we have to keep going over this?!

August 9th, 2010: “Dude Buying CDs Gets Shot in the Face“

Fellow St. Louisans, let us drop a senario on you and you tell us when you start to get worried: A Marine and wife were visiting family near St. Louis after recently coming back from a tour in Afghanistan (Eh, ok. Not too worried yet.) and while on their way to the airport to fly back to where he is stationed in Hawaii (Sounds nice!) they decided to stop in and visit the Arch (Hmm..it’s not as cool as it seems.)