K2 is Banned and KMOV Figures Out Capitalism
Posted on March 10, 2010
| The Editor
Its all over the blogs. That fake weed K2 has been banned in St. Charles apparently because for a second there, a child enjoyed himself in St. Charles and that crap just can’t keep happening.
Besides the fact that the poor emo kids that are too pussy to buy real weed are now really sad and won’t stop watching their Twilight DVD, something else amazing happened! Channel 4, KMOV, learned a little bit about how America works.
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Missouri State Rep Cynthia Davis: All Guns All the Time!
Posted on March 9, 2010
| The Editor
Cynthia Davis sure knows how to make a quotable. She’s like a uglier Sarah Palin. Much uglier.
It wasn’t long ago that the 19th district representative pull out a few quotes that got her named “The World’s Worst Person” by liberal TV talking head Keith Olbermann:
“Hunger can be a positive motivator,” writes Davis, who chairs the Missouri House Special Committee on Children and Families. “What is wrong with the idea of getting a job so you can get better meals?
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The State Senate Has Nothing To Do
Posted on March 2, 2010
| The Editor
Dammit. You pussies. The State Senate has voted to rename Mark McGwire highway.
McGwire has now admitted he used steroids, and the state Senate voted unanimously Monday to rename the section of interstate the Mark Twain Highway. The measure now goes to the House.
The bill also would name sections of a few other highways for noted Missourians.
We wanted the highway to stay with the current McGwire name not just because he was still pretty kick ass in 1998.
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Governor Should Just Play Lotto Help Budget Says Hilarious Politician
Posted on February 24, 2010
| The Editor
Man politicians are funny! The state needs money and to help Governor Nixon with that number Rep. Mark Parkinson from St. Charles County has threw together a bill that says Nixon should be required to play Powerball in and effort to cover the cost.
The bill, proposed by Rep. Mark Parkinson, R-St. Charles County, would deduct $2 from Nixon’s paycheck twice a month to buy Powerball lottery tickets and place any potential winnings in a fund called “Governor Nixon’s Scratch-off, Match-off Fund.
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St. Louis City Faces Budget Cuts
Posted on February 11, 2010
| The Editor
I don’t want to shock any of you, but apparently we are going through some kind of economic depression. Its been a bit of a secret, but apparently it is hitting the city of St. Louis. Get ready for the budget cuts! What are we talking about? City Hall jobs could be cut, less trash pick up, down to once a week, and even possibly losing the Forest Park Rangers!
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Skanky Eureka Hotel Gets Sued by Six Flags
Posted on February 5, 2010
| The Editor
When it rains it pours. It wasn’t long ago that the Eureka Days Inn was rated the second worst hotel in the country, and now they are getting sued by Six Flags.
The amusement park said the hotel uses deceptive advertising to promote itself as having an association with Six Flags. Six Flags is seeking both injunctive and monetary relief.
“Six Flags has never authorized the use of the Six Flags mark and the facility has no association, sponsorship, affiliation or any other connection with Six Flags,” the theme park said in a statement.
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Governor Jay Nixon Got Some Very Fancy Chinese Delivery
Posted on February 3, 2010
| The Editor
From the Globe Democrat:
Despite recent tensions between the U.S. and China, the governor warmly received China’s ambassador to the U.S. at a discussion of a trade partnership marked by little tangible progress.
The two officials are looking to make Lambert Airport in St. Louis the Midwestern hub of air cargo transport between China and the U.S., but did not provide specifics or expand upon previous announcements.
So you’re saying there’s a good chance I might be able to get a straight flight from St.
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The President’s Casino to Get Assassinated By Missouri
Posted on January 26, 2010
| The Editor
The state of Missouri is playing the role of John Wilkes Booth and is out gunning for the President’s Casino. The goal is to get the casino to close its doors by as early as July.
“[President Casino] has continued to operate the President at an unacceptable level through a deliberate minimization of offerings with a resulting decline in performance,” Gene McNary, executive director of the Missouri Gaming Commission, wrote in a letter last week to John Giovenco, interim chief executive of Las Vegas-based Pinnacle.
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Lake St. Louis Creates Way for Bored Housewives to Get Rid of Latino Couple Down the Street
Posted on January 20, 2010
| The Editor
In America we like things nice and easy. We like our cheese pressurized, our lights clappable, and we want a really easy way to report any person we might think is an illegal immigrant on a whim.
Thank the City Council of Lake St. Louis, Missouri who’s roster is not to be confused with Senator McCarthy’s pose back in the day, (but we will excuse you if you did) for taking the step to make a system to identify and report illegal immigrants easier.
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Dr. Seuss is Mayor Slay’s New Speech Writer
Posted on December 30, 2009
| The Editor
We missed this before Christmas, but Mayor Slay sent us all a special Christmas message…through the words of Dr. Seuss:
Don’t think we don’t appreciate the sentiment Mr. Mayor. We do! …but what the hell did you record this with? A 7 year old cell-phone?