John Cuneo a 66 year-old teaching assistant at Sigel Elementary School was busted for molesting a mentally disabled child…and then probably molesting one more minutes later. …a maybe even accidentally molesting a few more, because to do something as brazen as this buttwipe did, you’re balls would have to be so big that incidental contact while walking the halls seems unavoidable.

Here’s the short version: A fellow school employee walks in a room to find Cuneo taking the boy’s hand and placing on his penis. Obviously outraged, the employee was walking back from just reporting the incident when she saw Cuneo walking yet another disabled kid in to a bathroom stall, causing her to report Cuneo yet again!

Robert Stevens, a 34 year old man from O’Fallon, Missouri, was charged with five counts of being a total perv after exposing himself to teenage girls on the internet.

A St. Charles Sheriff’s Department detective wrote in court documents that in September, Stevens opened five separate user accounts on the social networking site myYearbook.

The website captured the images of Stevens exposing himself and notified authorities. The default settings to communicate via webcam to other users was set so that Stevens could communicate with 13 to 17-year-old girls, the detective wrote.

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A Wentzville tatto shop owner is facing gun and drug charges, which is a total bummer since he’s already in trouble for getting caught video taping women in his shop’s bathroom. The real shame of all of this is the lost of trust, because if you can’t trust your small town creepy tattoo artist to not shoot you or videotape you in the horrible little bathroom, then what do you have in this world?!

Hermann, Missouri’s high school band director is having a rough week after being accused of sending “sexually explicit” emails to a student. Something about blowing his woodwind we’re guessing.

Among the charges against 31-year-old Joshua James are furnishing pornography to a minor and “using a child in a sexual performance”.

The alleged contact took place between James and a 16-year-old female student in the Gasconade County school district, and reportedly involved illicit photos.

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A St. Charles man has been arrested after he exposed himself to the patrons at Wapelhorst Park pool Tuesday.

The St. Charles County man, 53, pulled down his swimsuit, exposing his buttocks and genitals about 1 p.m. at the park’s public pool in the 1900 block of Muegge Road, police said. Several other customers, including children and seniors, were using the pool at the time.

We’ll give him credit for being confident enough to stare a public shrinkage viewing the face and still decide to go through with a plan, but maybe there’s a better way to go about drying off your winkie dink.

When you’re 17 you do some crazy stuff. One summer a few of us guys decided to make a pact to get laid before we went to college, it was a wild time trying to get laid and win the bet. One guy screwed a pie, another guy banged the other dude’s mom and along the way we coined the term MILF that is still a popular parlance today. That may have actually been a movie I saw when we were 17, but still…wild times. We remember the popcorn was pretty buttery and we when realized we didn’t have any napkins…we wiped our hands on the seat. Right on the seat! …long story short, we felt horrible about it and told the janitor right after the movie, but oh man! You should’ve seen the look on his face! It was probably a lot like the look on a Godfrey woman’s face after Latayuss Curry showed her his chubby in the Schnuck’s parking lot. …nailed it! That is how you segue my friends!

Terry Dunaway of Rolla, Missouri was arrested for possession of child pornography Wednesday.

Clearly he was arrested at an important event, like a work meeting or a gala held in a friend’s parents’ basement, since he was wearing his best “Farm Boy” shirt.

The police discovered his stash during a random “Yeah, that guy looks pretty perv-y” check. You’d really like those checks to be more ineffective, but you can’t argue with the results.

Tricking a fancy hotel front desk person and kicking down doors are kinds of determination you really don’t see much of these days, which is too bad in a way, but in this particular way, it’s horrifyingly insane as it relates to a Pennsylvania man’s plan to break in to the room of a 9 year-old girl to cop a feel.

Clayton Police say Daniel Hughes, 42, of Conshohocken, Pennsylvania approached the the front desk around 4:00 a.m. Sunday and told the clerk he was staying in a specific room but that his room key wasn’t working.

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A perv is pretending to be a police officer in Carroliton, Illinois so he can pull over ladies and frisk them. It’s not a new plan, but you can’t argue with results.

Police say it happened on Highway 67 going north out of Carrollton Saturday around five in the afternoon. A woman spotted a vehicle behind her with flashing blue lights. She pulled over at the city park. A man dressed like a cop told her to get out of the car.

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A 28-year old man, Scott Halliday, has been arrested in Springfield, Missouri for causing $2,000 dollars worth of damage to a tanning bed.

How did he do that?

He was standing on it of course!

Why?

So he could peep on the girl tanning on the other side of the dividing wall! …oh did we mention he’s a perv?

…

Oh and he’s also being accused of fleeing the scene when a woman busted him for the peeping.