Wow, a guy got shot in the face! Crazy, you don’t hear about that happening to often…unless you live in St. Louis and then it happens every few months.

Authorities say that the male victim was inside of a home when someone knocked on the door. When the victim opened the door, he was reportedly shot in the face by the suspect.

Come on! The face?! Really. Why? Why right in the face? Who is this guy? Elmer Fudd? That dick seemed to always aim for the face too. Seems pretty clear looking back on it now that Fudd’s sick ass wasn’t really after the duck or rabbit meat, he just liked to kill.

Have some extra drugs you don’t need? Swing them by the Wentzville Police Department if you don’t want them. They have a drop box for that now. Time until 4 highschool kids beat the hell out of this thing with a bat to get at the expired woman’s fertility drugs inside? 6 hours.

Removing expired or unused drugs from home medicine cabinets will help in combating prescription drug abuse, especially by adolescents, according to a release from the city. The drugs collected at the drop box will be properly disposed of by incineration. EPA studies have shown that the common practice of flushing expired or unused drugs down the toilet is contaminating water supplies.

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The South City Hope Lutheran School‘s nativity scene was stolen recently in the beginning of a crime wave that can only escalate to other honorable crimes such as throwing puppies against brick walls, kicking old lady’s in the neck and talking the whole time through the Yogi Bear movie.

The theft happened over the weekend. Nearly 30 figures were painted and added to the display. Kindergartners dedicated parts of this to honor someone special. All that’s left are the figures surrounding what used to be a nativity scene.

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Last year was a down year for St. Louis’ many murders. After a banner 2008 in which we managed to kill 167 of us, 2009 brought only 143, a full 24 fewer murders, an obvious embarrassment for a city that is considered the nation’s most dangerous. Worst still, 2010 was on pace for even less murders! What happened? Did UMSL starting giving out bullet proof vests to incoming freshmen or are St. Louisan’s finally evolving a natural resistance to bullets, making us in to the super soliders finally achieving the long-standing FBI plan that started when they sprayed the city limits with some sort of angry toxin which goes by the codename of “Bud Ice”?

‘Twas a cold St. Louis night, when all through this dude’s house not a creature was stirring, not even the homeless guy living in his garage. When out on the lawn there rose such a clatter, dude sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. What’s this? Two guys stealing my brother’s car? He tore open the shutters and grabbed his gun! …and promptly walked on his porch, tripped and shot himself in the leg. The two car thieves grabbed some stuff and took off.

29 year old Tyrel Lee Campbell, obviously fromt the from the Ozarks being as he has 3 in-use names and one of them is “Tyrel”, was arrested and charged with “unlawful use of a weapon and drug possession” stemming from a little incident at a local Walmart over “Black Friday”. Apparently Tyrel took the term “Door Busters” a little farther than he should have.

He’s accused of walking into a Branson Walmart the day after Thanksgiving. In addition to the loaded .22-caliber gun and 560 bullets, prosecutors also say he had a bag of suspected meth.

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So remember the guy from a month ago that managed a multi-hour stand-off with the police as he hid in his comic book store until he finally surrendered…

It took St. Louis police 3 and a half hours to peaceably coax suspected rapist and comic book shop owner, Kenneth McClure, to put down his weapon and come out of his south Hampton store, Legends Comics & Sports Cards.

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A man in Cauthersville, MO, which is located just six miles from Whogivesacrap, is facing charges for marijuana possession after being arrested, for the same crime, twice in one day.

The Sikeston Standard Democrat reports that the man was first arrested five minutes after midnight Sunday at the Caruthersville Community Center. Police say they found several baggies of marijuana and several hundred dollars.

…and then, the next night, but technically still the same day…

Oh St. Louis. You are a crafty folk aren’t you. See us St. Louis types just can’t stop killing each other and, frankly, it’s high time we start being more efficient at it. Like say, killing people and reusing your bullets, aiming for the face for that one-shot kill, or just killing people right there at the funeral home.

Two mourners were killed and at least one other wounded today when gunfire erupted outside a funeral home.

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Damn you Betty White! First you remind everyone you aren’t dead and suddenly become the nation’s “Random Old Person” joke appearing on every stupid show that can afford your rider of Metamucil, Blackjack chewing gum and a bowl of only red heart pills. Now, your showing up at Randy’s Jewelry in O’Fallon and stealing? Stop it Betty White! Your random appearances are no longer humorous or funny. We’ll have someone wheel you back in to obscurity with the rest of the old people in a moment.