St. Louis Optimizing Murders, Killing Each Other Right at Funeral Homes

Oh St. Louis. You are a crafty folk aren’t you. See us St. Louis types just can’t stop killing each other and, frankly, it’s high time we start being more efficient at it. Like say, killing people and reusing your bullets, aiming for the face for that one-shot kill, or just killing people right there at the funeral home.

Two mourners were killed and at least one other wounded today when gunfire erupted outside a funeral home.

Chief Dan Isom said the shootings at the Reliable Funeral Home in Midtown are the product “of an ongoing feud between gangs in St. Louis.”

Two victims were taken to hospitals, where they died. A third victim was in critical condition.

No time saved this time since all three went to the hospital anyway. Also the funeral home director is just getting warmed up to the idea of “murder optimization” and didn’t just come out to the driveway with a large shovel as he most likely will in the future.

Nelson Thomas, 82, president and owner of Reliable Funeral Home, stressed that no shots were fired inside his business.

“The only thing I heard was..boom, boom, boom, and that’s all,” Thomas said. “I didn’t look out to see what’s going on.”

Word is that other St. Louis criminals are getting the bug to speed up their crime aftermath as well. Car thieves are starting to pee on your seats after they leave the car in a parking lot instead of having you wait for a homeless guy to do it and area child molesters and voting now on which single child they will all molest at different times and which child psychologist’s parking lot they should park their vans at.

via STLToday