Man Beats Girl to Death, Blames Actions on Poor CPR Instructions During Appeal

 Posted on April 14, 2011  |  The Editor

Quintin Gray was found guilty and sentenced to 25 years for beating his girlfriend’s 3-year-old little girl to death back in early 2008. Gray is now appealing that charge and though he isn’t exactly refuting the vicious beating he laid on the little girl, he is offering a reason as to why the beating happened. He was trying to give the girl CPR and he just isn’t very good at it! [Read More]
murder  quintin gray 

License Plate Stickers Could Move to Your Dashboard

 Posted on April 13, 2011  |  The Editor

A common, but often over-looked crime in the St. Louis area is the theft of those little license plate stickers. Sure, most people are pissed, but not bleeding when they realize they’ve been victimized, so it’s not exactly at the top of everyone’s mind, but estimations are that the sticker theft costs the state of Missouri around $10 Million every year. That’s a lot. Like “turn out the lights and lets do this thing…no kissing though” a lot. [Read More]
dmv  license  stickers  theft 

Prentice Nash: Duck-Faced Killa

 Posted on April 7, 2011  |  The Editor

Prentice Nash was arrested for the fatal shooting of Wade Finch in a crime that if you closed your eyes and just heard the names you’d swear it was two chubby, rich white kids in sweater vests fighting over a Faberge egg. Investigators believe Nash, whose home is in the 6600 block of Mignon, about a half-mile from the scene, killed Finch during a robbery attempt. Nash is charged with 2nd degree murder, first degree robbery and armed criminal action. [Read More]
mugshot  shooting 

O’Fallon Police Finger the Fingerer Named Finger For Child Molestation

 Posted on April 6, 2011  |  The Editor

O’Fallon, MO police have taken Robert Finger in to custody and charged him with two counts of statutory sodomy and one count of attempted child molestation. …and yeah, this (alleged) child molester’s name is Finger. Also, that picture on the right isn’t a sketch we made of what the classic molester guy looks like, that’s Mr. Finger himself. …oh and one more little thing: Prosecutors said Finger had a prior sex offense in Tennessee but had not registered as a sex offender in Missouri despite living here for about four years. [Read More]
finger  molester  ofallon 

Sheriff Arrested on Suspicion of Being a Meth Dealer

 Posted on April 5, 2011  |  The Editor

“Freaking cops! Stealing your stash and then they don’t report it! They just take it themselves and sell it out! Punks they just as bad as the people they bustin’!” Oh fictitious bitter criminal, you’re assumptions that every cop is dirty amuse us…but even a drug-addled, retarded clock is right twice a day. A southeast Missouri sheriff is now charged with distribution of methamphetamine. Carter County Sheriff Tommy Adams was arrested Saturday. [Read More]
cop  meth  tommy adams 

Rolla Farm Boy Loves Him Some Kiddie Porn!

 Posted on March 31, 2011  |  The Editor

Terry Dunaway of Rolla, Missouri was arrested for possession of child pornography Wednesday. Clearly he was arrested at an important event, like a work meeting or a gala held in a friend’s parents’ basement, since he was wearing his best “Farm Boy” shirt. The police discovered his stash during a random “Yeah, that guy looks pretty perv-y” check. You’d really like those checks to be more ineffective, but you can’t argue with the results. [Read More]
child pornography  pervert  rolla 

Oh Sure, Blame the Fake Pot Now

 Posted on March 31, 2011  |  The Editor

The guy that ran in to the St. Peters church screaming and knocking over people the other day, has blamed all of his actions on fake pot. Yup, fake pot. Had to have been the fake pot. Oh and let us guess, he ran in to the church to get help right? Police said [Dustin W. Ostmann] told them he had smoked a sythetic marijuana called “Knock Out.” They said frightening hallucinations led him randomly to the church to seek help. [Read More]
church  fake pot  knock out  morons  st. peters 

Whatever the Hell This Thing Is Kills Dogs

 Posted on March 28, 2011  |  The Editor

You’re not reading this and that’s ok. We know your gaze is locked directly on to the lone open eye on that monkey’s butt that guy calls a face, which also just happens to be the single grossest and creepiest eye ever. There’s no use trying to figure out what this guy could have possibly done to a witch doctor to deserve that kind of a ugly spell, so we’ll keep going anyway with telling you about this guy’s story. [Read More]
animal cruelty  dogs 

Random Bones Found Near Lambert Airport

 Posted on March 25, 2011  |  The Editor

Police are investigating a pair of bones that were discovered on land owned by Lambert Airport, it is not known if the bones are human or just, boringly, animal. The bones were found in a vacant field near Scudder and Mable Avenue. The property is in Kinloch but is owned by Lambert Airport. A St. Louis City official said the airport hired a contractor to clean up the lot because it had been used as an illegal dumping ground. [Read More]
bones  kinloch  lambert airport  weird 

St. Louis Police Try to Squash Scrap Metal Theft

 Posted on March 25, 2011  |  The Editor

Since the beginning of 2010 there has been 3,485 incidents, totaling over $4.6 million dollars, of scrap metal theft in the St. Louis area, with the most common form being the theft of copper tubing from homes. When asked for a response, the Mayor’s office (probably) offered: “What do you want from us? Geez. It’s better than getting knife-raped.” Well, that’s a good point, but this still seems like a pretty big problem, so the police are looking in to the matter by rounding up the area scrap metal dealers and asking them to please stop facilitating this whole shady industry since we’re all pretty sure there isn’t an underground penny counterfeiting copper press somewhere all the copper thieves have access too. [Read More]
copper  scrap metal  theft