Whatever the Hell This Thing Is Kills Dogs

You’re not reading this and that’s ok. We know your gaze is locked directly on to the lone open eye on that monkey’s butt that guy calls a face, which also just happens to be the single grossest and creepiest eye ever. There’s no use trying to figure out what this guy could have possibly done to a witch doctor to deserve that kind of a ugly spell, so we’ll keep going anyway with telling you about this guy’s story. Seriously, even if you look away from the photo and then just glance back, the first thing you focus on is the eye right? It might be worth having that thing if it shot lasers but…eh…no still not worth it.

Anyway, guy that looks like an extra from the zombie boat on Pirates of the Caribbean, one James Steele, is in jail tonight with a 20 thousand dollar bond after Animal Control found the bodies of two dogs in garbage bags after receiving reports of animal abuse at the home. Steele claims that the dogs died from exposure to the cold over the winter, though Animal Control is claiming they died of starvation and are charging him with “aggravated cruelty to animals”.

Can’t they both be right?

The dogs probably died of being outside too much during the winter and failing to eat, but seriously, what would you be doing if you had to live with that troll? Our ass would be outside in the cold with little to no appetite too! Regardless, things don’t look good for Mr. Steele…or us since there’s no way we’re going to get that eye out of our mind any time soon. The best we can do for you is this cute kitty chaser below. Sorry.