East St. Louis Video Taping Food Stamp Fights To Share With the World

Just remember: For every guy in an ironic t-shirt with think black glasses and a waxed mustache telling you how the world is changing for the better with every tweet about your “personal brand”, we’re also getting worse for every stupid ghetto fight over food stamps that gets posted to YouTube. Don’t get us wrong, we love a good YouTube fight, but still…no one’s making the world a better place through social media with this shit. [Read More]

Missouri Lawmaker Wants to Discourage Sex Offenders From Hiring Real Estate Agents

Missouri Representative Charlie Davis is thinking out loud about pushing a new law that would put pressure on any sex offenders trying to buy a home in Missouri, and the real estate agent that helps them. Sex offenders “have the right to live in a community if they want to, but it’s also the right of the families to know if there is a member in their community that is a convicted sex offender against children so we can make sure our children are aware of it and it doesn’t happen to them,” said Davis, R-Webb City. [Read More]

Missouri Representative Wants to Tax Violent Video Games, Remind Everyone We’re Retarded Out Here

Diane Franklin, the Missouri Representative from Camdenton, has made the news recently by calling for a 1% sales tax on all violent video games, which is timely not only because of our nation current gun violence debate but also because it’s been a few weeks since a public figure from Missouri stood up, opened their mouth and reminded everyone that Missouri has stupid public figures and to continue to make fun of us for being fat redneck retards. [Read More]

Missouri Governor Jay Nixon Wants Your Stupid Kid to Be Smarter

Governor Jay Nixon knows that his state’s schools are lagging behind the rest of the country, which has an effect on the state’s economy as the stupid kids don’t tend to move as much, so he’s got a plan to fix it. It’s been budgeted, the schools are on board and it’s genius. Are you ready? Here it is: Missouri schools will now be required to extend their school year by six days! [Read More]

Check Out the New Missouri Drivers License!

Take a look at your drivers license…yuck! So horrible. Time for a new design! Something a little uglier, harder to forge yet easier to steal, and with the Arch on it…you know important changes to us, the average citizen. The license will have a new look and new security features including laser perforations and special printing that reacts to UV lights as well as overlapping data onto a ghost image in the lower right corner of the license. [Read More]

Senator McCaskill: Taking on the FAA For You and Your iPad

Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill is totally sick of having to turn off her iPad in planes during take-off and landing. “Dammit, I just got to the good part!” Senator McCaskill would say, as she wraps up her headphones while angrily pausing _Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection_. “This is total bullshit! …oh great, and I forgot my magazine! Now I’m gonna have to read this Sky Mall like some kind of asshole. [Read More]

The New Menards Store in O’Fallon Ain’t Gonna Happen, Damn You Obama!

Got dang Obama! He took our Menards! Seriously. The plans for a new O’Fallon, Missouri Menards store are kaput, and according to the Menards press release, you can thank President Obama for that. Clearly the President hates you, guy that already hatest him, and thinks you already have plenty of camouflage jackets. It was a big part of his campaign. We’re surprised you missed the “Jerry has too much camo, and that bright hunter orange looks horrible on him. [Read More]

Oh Man the New New Northwest Plaza is Going to be Awesome! (JK, LOL!)

The stinky lump of empty sadness and RAZR cellphone case carts known as Northwest Plaza is set to be torn down Tuesday, and in it’s place will rise the next chapter in Northwest Plaza lore. It’s return to greatness! …which means what exactly? Oooh! Maybe it’s finally getting a Ms. Fields! A home improvement store, restaurants, outdoor shopping, an education center and an officer tower are all expected to be added. [Read More]

Go Vote

You should go vote right now…unless you’re going to vote for the opposite of what we voted for. If that’s what you’re planning to do, then don’t…or wait, do vote, but did you hear about the change in voting where you have to write down who/what you want to vote for on…um…that napkin on your right…it’s on the floor…there it is. OK, write your stuff on there and then fold it up and turn it in to the nearest Arby’s. [Read More]
voting 

Tiny Fey Blasts Todd Akin

“If I have to listen to one more grey-faced man with a $2 haircut explain to me what rape is,” she warned, “I’m going to lose my mind!” That was Saturday Night Live alum, current 30 Rock star, and not-so-secret-crush ours Tina Fey speaking Wednesday to the attendees of the Center for Reproductive Rights Inaugural Gala in New York. Fey did specifically mention everyone’s favorite creepy retarded uncle and wanna be Missouri Senator Todd Akin… [Read More]