Mayor Slay Proves He’s Horrible at Sports Betting

We kinda accidentally, sorta took a day off last night when we didn’t write anything. That’s OK though, because our friends at Joe Sports Fan picked us up and took care of the important stuff: Making fun of Mayor Slay. Apparently Mayor Slay, in addition to the rest of the things he’s horrible at like “being a mayor”, is also horrible at making and going through with small pointless bets. Joe Sports Fan has the whole rundown, but in short: He won’t go to any trouble other than taking a picture of his TV when he loses, and won’t spring for better shipping when he actually wins the bet. [Read More]

Springfield Pastor Gives Surprising Equality Speech

This clip was everywhere over the weekend, but it’s pretty great and happened in Springfield: The clip shows a Springfield paster standing up at a city council meeting to discuss the city’s modification of the nondiscrimination ordinance to include sexual orientation and gender identity. Don’t get too excited. It’s still Missouri, so this great speech didn’t matter because Springfield’s council “tabled” the bill because they are pussies. via everywhere, but we saw it on Gawker first. [Read More]

Some Loose Sex-Loving TV Skank Endorsed Todd Akin

Todd Akin got a new endorsement the other day, but don’t worry about it. She doesn’t live in this state, and she’s just some reality TV show broad that can’t keep her legs closed. Michelle Duggar plans to participate in a women-for-Akin event Tuesday in Springfield. The Duggar family is supposed to attend rallies with Akin later that day in Osage Beach and on Wednesday in Farmington and Poplar Bluff. [Read More]

Did General Enyart Push Judge Cason and Not Apologize and Does Anyone Care?

Everyone in the metro east that isn’t actively bleeding or high is abuzz about the dust up between St. Clair County Associate Judge Laninya Carson and congressional hopeful General Bill Enyart. Carson is claiming that Enyart pushed her at the O’Fallon, IL homecoming parade to hand a flyer to the person she was trying to hand a flyer to and didn’t apologize. However Enyart says it was just an accidental contact and he did apologize, but won’t do it again. [Read More]

Are the STLPD Using City Officers to Investigate Online Piracy Rather Than Our Local Violent Crime Issues?

Yes. According to a report from Ars Technica, St. Louis has received a grant from the federal government with the goal of using city officers to investigate online piracy. Sure there are constant fire fights happening blocks from where your family sleeps, but somewhere there’s a 12-year-old downloading an illegal copy of “Madagascar 3” and that’s clearly a more important goal for our already thin police force. In St. Louis, David Marzullo, a police spokesperson told Ars that the city would be using its grant money to form a “area task force consisting of federal, state, and local law enforcement agencies to share resources and increase enforcement of existing state and federal IP laws. [Read More]

Lewis Reed is Running For Mayor of St. Louis

Mayor Slay finally has competition in the Democratic primary (aka the only vote that matters for St. Louis City) for next years mayoral race: Lewis Reed, the president of the city’s Board of Aldermen. Reed announced his candidacy today at Sqwires restaurant in Lafayette Square. Reed termed Slay’s 12 years in office “divisive” and said he would embark on a “mission of change.” Reed said his first priority would be public safety — specifically mentioning decreasing crime rates and increasing after school programs for kids. [Read More]

Goodbye Police Chief Dan Isom

Well our Translatatron 329872394834 was right (as usual)! St. Louis Police Chief Dan Isom is indeed leaving his post to become a criminology professor at UMSL, which if you think about it this is all very Judge Dredd-esque, where the retiring cop has to now go and walk the horrible waste land and bring law to the lawless, which in this case is UMSL’s North City location. Isom holds three degrees from UMSL, including a doctorate in criminology and criminal justice. [Read More]

Translating STL Police Chief Dan Isom’s Denials About Leaving the Position

KMOX has a source that tells them St. Louis Police Chief Dan Isom might be mulling an opportunity to leave his glamorous post as the lead protector of the city and take a job teaching at the university level. We’re guessing he’d be teaching art because you don’t get to be St. Louis’ top cop without getting really good at tracing bodies in chalk. A reporter for KMOX caught up to Chief Isom in an attempt to confirm the report, but he was met with an “artfully vague” response. [Read More]

National Democrats Modify Romney Logo to Include Todd Akin

The Democratic National Committee has purchased newspaper ad space in a Tampa newspaper aimed at old people that still read the newspaper going to the Republican National Convention. At the bottom of the full page ad is the Mitt Romney / Paul Ryan logo, but with one notable update: They worked in Missouri Senate hopeful, and world-renown dumbass Todd “Dammit Stop Saying He’s From Missouri” Akin. Here’s the regular Romney / Ryan logo: [Read More]

Todd Akin is Legitimately Retarded

At some point Sunday you probably heard about Senate hopeful, current Representative Todd Akin‘s thoughts on rape and abortion while talking to enemy-of-the-site Charles Jaco on Fox2. It’s been kind of a big story: “It seems to me, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare,” Mr. Akin said of pregnancies from rape. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down. [Read More]