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October 25, 2013
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Editor's Note: Make sure you play this video in the background while you read this.
Punching Kitty was a writing project for the city of St. Louis to have a little fun and try to get everyone to stop taking themselves so seriously...and hopefully highlight some critical issues along the way.
We had a lot of fun, but all good things need an ending and ours was on March 13th, 2013. While we will no longer actively write, the site will stay up as an archive. To the right are some of our favorite and most acclaimed articles from our four year run. You may also enjoy "This Day in PK History" which shows the posts written on this date in years past, and this page which shows a random article from the archives.
- The Editor
Denise Cooke was just going to be gone for a second, so we’re not sure what the big deal is. Some times you need a quick drink, you know? …and also during some of those times you’re a single mother, so maybe you leave your baby in a hotel room. Big whoop. Oh, you’d rather her take the baby to the bar? Who’s the horrible parent now?!
Police arrested a woman who allegedly left her 9-year-old son inside a Fenton hotel room while she went out drinking.
Authorities said Cooke, who’s from Indianapolis, Indiana, returned to the hotel sometime Monday afternoon. She told police she had gone out for a few drinks and did not intend to leave her child alone for so long.
“Ok you guys, that’s the last drink. I really need to head back and make sure the kid I left in that hotel room isn’t dead. …one more? Alright, one more! But only because you gave me that look while saying ‘What are you doing here? You should leave.”, and I didn’t really want to go check on him anyway. You know how that always gets me, but this is totally the last one! I’m serious!”
Police said they did not know exactly how long Cooke was gone. She now faces child endangerment charges.
Doesn’t this seem like a total non-punishment? Why bother even telling her you were going to take the kid?
“You left your kid all alone while you went out drinking!?”
“Yup, it’s my kid. Don’t worry about it.”
“Well, we have to take your kid away now.”
“Oh, sweet! Pretty obvious I didn’t want him anyway, so thanks for finally getting on that. Where were you guys when I let him play with that wood chipper for 6 hours while I banged two guys for a sixer of Smirnoff Ice?”
KMOV recently sat down with new St. Louis Police Chief Sam Dotson, and it’s pretty clear the man is already getting good at the ole “It’s not as bad as it seems” game, picking up right where former Chief Isom left off.
Sam Dotson was candid and poignant in his answers saying “one homicide is too many,” and the goal for his department is to have a year with no killings.
Wow, a year?! Lets start with something that sounds more attainable like a day, or a minute in North City and go from there. Love the enthusiasm though!
How’s that going by the way?
With four days left in the month, this January mirrors the first month of 2010, when 16 other people were killed. While overall crime was down during the second half of 2012, the chief believes this especially violent month can be credited to two groups targeting each other.
Yikes, but next year feels like the one though! No murders in 2014!
“What we do not have are packs of gangs, roaming the city, targeting innocent people,” Dotson said. “We don’t have random shootings.”
Slow down on the “no random killings” stuff new guy, we’re not even in February yet! The random violent packs of thugs don’t like to come out until late spring when school lets out.
Dotson also explains the high number does not exactly tell the full story. Two of the 16 are now being investigated as self defense. Four or five of the slayings could potentially be linked to two groups arguing over a girl.
Sweet, because for a second there it seemed like 16 murders in 30 days sounded like a lot of killing for a city that constant claims it’s getting better. So the new plan is to just shoot that girl and we’ll be good right?
Despite the recent uptick in violence, the chief says the high crime rate continues to decrease. Just two weeks ago, Dotson reported that overall crimes were down 12 percent in 2012 compared to 2011.
Did you hear that dead people?! Things are getting slightly less horrible! …or not. Lets see how tomorrow goes.
“It’s been very clear to me that the city has made a significant investment,” Dotson said. “A quarter of a billion dollars every year, year over year to fight these things, so it’s not a lack of resources, it’s not a lack of will.”
…so it’s just that you suck at it then?
As always, thanks for mental gymnastics Chief, but here’s the deal: No one gives a crap why or how or what money was spent to where, they just know that they don’t feel safe. Give a rest with these bullshit interviews and just say “16 is way too many murders, we’re working on it.” …and then actually work on it rather than spending time trying to find reasons to convince everyone it’s not as bad as it seems. Especially don’t worry about February though, it’s a day shorter than last year so you’ve got a guaranteed murder percentage drop built-in!
The thugs of East St. Louis have broken the last barrier: They’re robbing you in church now!
East St. Louis Police Chief Michael Floore said a call reporting the incident came into the Police Department at 5:12 p.m. about the armed robbery of people at IRA Grove Baptist Church, located at 1701 Belmont.
“Church service was going on when three masked gunmen went into the church and robbed the people who were there at gunpoint,” Floore said.
No one was injured and police are still trying to figure out what was taken from each of the patrons, but yikes…church…while services were happening. Also, we wanted to have a picture of the church via Google Street View, but when we typed in the address Google said “F*ck that noise! We’re not trying to go anywhere near there, even if it is digitally,” so instead, you get a freeze frame of one shot of the Arch in the opening sequence of the late 80’s sitcom “Just the Ten of Us”.
“They’re innovators man. True innovators.” (probably) said another East St. Louis hoodlum on hearing the news of the daring crime, while horribly mispronouncing the word “innovators”. “Who would have thought to rob people in church?! Genius. I was just stabbing a guy the other day while thinking that killing a guy at a funeral home couldn’t be topped, but damn, great idea: You can take the money people are giving to the church, and if you get thirsty, they always have wine on hand!”
Upon hearing that someone robbed a church during servies the thugs of East St. Louis wept, as there were no more new places to rob people.
In fact, we’ve never understood why radio stations make their jocks come up with news stories to say in between songs and commercials, but they all do it and it’s always horrible. Usually the jocks stick with the lamest entertainment news possible: Kardashians, Britney Spears, something about the Twilight movies…but some, like KLOU’s Cindy Collins (2p – 7p) take the “just find some shit to talk about” job a little more seriously than others. Too bad she’s equally as horrible at fact checking as she is about pretending to take requests that aren’t already on the pre-defined playlist for the day.
Here is Cindy’s post on KLOU.com from Wednesday:
Early this afternoon, I saw a story on the Post Dispatch website about David Freese being pulled over for DWI in Maryland Heights.
Woah! Big story there Cindy. Crazy to think you were the only one to find it though, right?
What I DIDN’T see was the DATE on the story.
Did I screw up? You bet I did!
At least you’re owning up to it, which is more than some real news outlets in town do.
The link was under “Recommendations” and the date line was in light gray, as opposed to the dark black print on the story.
Um, ok. Well at least you’re kinda owning up to it.
And as soon as I mentioned the story on air, I got a phone call from a listener (thank you, Kay).
Someone at KLOU, please hire Kay.
Bottom line: I will be much more careful in the future!!!
The good news: Since only people stopping in at old lady hair salons heard your goof, you won’t be fired over this. The bad news: You won’t be fired over this, so you still work in radio.
via our tipster, a forced day-time radio listener. It was all worth for this moment right now wasn’t it tipster?!
Just remember: For every guy in an ironic t-shirt with think black glasses and a waxed mustache telling you how the world is changing for the better with every tweet about your “personal brand”, we’re also getting worse for every stupid ghetto fight over food stamps that gets posted to YouTube.
Don’t get us wrong, we love a good YouTube fight, but still…no one’s making the world a better place through social media with this shit.
The nearly three-minute video, which was recorded on a cell phone, shows at least four women fighting at the [Department of Human Services] office located at Missouri and 9th.
Two women can be seen holding onto each other as a third punches one of them in the back of the head.
At one point, one of the women walks across the office and punches another in the face.
According to officials, the women involved had been waiting to get food stamps when the fists started to fly.
Clearly the social norm when witnessing a fight of this magnitude is to continually yell “Beat her ass!” over and over again. It’s the same in the UK as well, you just need to have your pinky up while you’re yelling.
One of the DHS employees had a theory for all the anger:
“If you’re not upset, you’ll be upset leaving up out of there,” said Jenine Nixon. “You straight have to have love in your heart to stand there all day.”
The system works! You don’t deserve the food stamps if you don’t have love in your heart.
So the word is that Bridgeton, Missouri smells horrible. Like if a monkey ate a bunch of rotten cheese, and then an elephant ate the monkey and it gave him diarrhea, which was put in a blender with some asparagus pee and poured in to Lindsay Lohan’s vagina…or something else that smells bad.
Residents said the smell was horrid. There were some residents in St. Ann who said they could smell it too.
A KMOV 4 photographer went out to Bridgeton and he said the smell was so bad it made his eyes burn.
City officials checked every single area Rally’s to see if anyone had recently eaten there, thus triggering the stink, but no one had and so the mystery remained. There is one theory though…
The source of the problem could come from the two landfills located in Bridgeton. But this isn’t the first time a strange smell has been noticed by residents.
Back in October 2012, the Pattonville fire district said [trash] decomposing underground created heat and caused an odor.
Way back in October of 2012 huh? Well that was so long ago, who took those kind of concerns seriously? What’s the worst that could possibly happen with underground trash?
They were worried it could reach radioactive waste buried nearby.
Oh sweet lord, we’ve created mutant trash stink! Why?! Why didn’t our forefathers listen back in October of 2012?! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!
Bridgeton city leaders, police and firefights have not said if both odors are connected.
Bridgeton leaders went on to say, “No, no, this is just how it smells here at our house. You’re just not used to it, so it’s a little weird. Just give it a few hours.” Nice try, but he word is out and no one will be accepting any sleepover invites to Bridgeton any time soon. People will also probably start assuming Bridgeton is poor.